Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Rahm's plahn

NPR just reported that the Democrats are changing strategy. Instead of defunding Iraq, they're going to require George Bush to jump and down on one leg for four hours each afternoon. Oh, wait, I'm sorry, that was an early draft.

They're going to require W to submit a report each time a soldier opens a door describing how the soldier is inadequately supported and doomed to failure.

Some people think this is ridiculous, cynical, stupid and unconstitutional. Maybe so. But if I were W, I'd jump on it. My first report would say Private Emmett Jones is inadequately supported because his congressman is Nancy Pelosi; my second would be Corporal Sally Green is inadequately suported because her congressmen is Rahm Emmanuel. For variation, Lt. Col. Steve Stunning would be inadequately supported because of the New York Times and 30 Rock. These reports would be a ot of work, for sure, but if the Democrat-controlled Congress wants it, who is anyone to say no?

Explaining sprawl

And at the end of the water main, the population density in the desert drops to zero.

But the water pump sounds a little funny

"Ahmadinejad: Iran's Nuclear Train Has No Brakes or Reverse Gear"

Forget Condi. I think we need to call Tom and Ray in on this one.

Heroics

Spoiler warning for Heroes. Don't read if you missed Monday's episode:

I've been enjoying NBC's Heroes--it plays like a lighter version of Lost. I thought the last episode, which told us a lot more about the past, was one of the best yet.

Still, I can't say I like how Hiro's father, played by George Takei, is sudddenly so central. Previously, he was just a major businessman disappointed his son wouldn't follow him into the business. Now he's part of the whole conspiracy behind, well, whatever's going on with all the lead characters.

Let's leave aside this seems to be inconsistent with what we've seen so far. There's also a danger, as George Lucas proved, that when you show everyone in the previous generation was intimately involved with everything happening today, it makes the present-day story less special and the world a smaller, more insular place.

Give Me A Little Credit

George Carlin used to have a joke about "pre-boarding" an airplane. There's no such thing. You can't get on before you get on. (He also had a bit about "self-help." If you're doing it yourself, you don't need help.)

Lately I've been seeing the word "pre-approved" a lot. Like a large percentage of Americans, I get mail offering me credit cards. (Wasn't there once a time when it was a big deal to have a credit card?) They say I'm pre-approved. Really? Then why not just send me the card, rather than an application?

I got a card today from Visa that said in bold letters on the envelope PRE-APPROVED! Beneath it read "See 'Pre-Approved Conditions' Inside."

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Not clear on the concept XIX

Even societies organized around the principle of the equality and preeminence of the proletariat have had an elite class.

Even?

The poor rich

Showing my usual quick wit and diligence, it's taken me four days to come up with a response to el jefe's scandalous attack on the poor rich. He claims it's inconsistent to believe that the rich pay most of the taxes and that the middle class pay most of the taxes.

So little imagination.

A couple of things are going on, I suspect, one being that el jefe is playing a bit loose, not quite identifying the specific, actual statements that contradict; after that, it's clearly a case of shifting meanings, but that's not the fault of the wasll street journal and its fellow travelers. If income distribution is described by an incline, and it more or less is, then everything depends on where you place the cut-off lines for poor and poor rich, with the middle class in between.



Under almost any scenario that most people, including experts, would draw, most of the income area is going to fall in the middle class. But when people talk about the rich paying most of the taxes, they're almost certainly talking about the per capita share or they're defining "rich" to include something absurd, such as "top 50 percent" or even 25 percent. Add to the mix that such discussions usually involve the income tax, which is progressive, and the "poor rich" proportion becomes larger still. But even then it's unlikely to be larger than the middle class area.

UPDATE: ColumbusGal read this post and said, "I'm starting to think about vanilla."

Must be good research

Research to be unveiled at the three-day Planetary Defence Conference in Washington DC will reveal that defending the Earth may not be as simple as suggested by films such as Armageddon in which Bruce Willis's character destroys a giant asteroid using a nuclear bomb.

We'll get there eventually

"That is an eventual goal, but we're not there yet."

I think a network is the answer here. We need a secure hosting point with servers that we'll call masters, serving a burgeoning network of what we'll call slaves, and it'll actually work pretty well. We just need to make sure we build really, really good masters, and all the slaves will have to do is send a request any time they want to poop.

What Do They Know?

A juror was dismissed in the Scooter Libby trial. Apparently she knew too much--she left the cocoon of blissful ignorance required of jurors.

Then it got interesting. The judge decided the 11 jurors left could decide the case, no need for an alternate, which would mean the deliberations start over.

When I heard this, I figured the defense would object and the prosecution would be happy. You're more likley to get a hung jury with 12 than 11.

Instead, the prosecution protested, while the defense didn't mind. What do they know that they're not telling us?

And Now For Something Completely The Same

This American Life is the best radio show out there. Host Ira Glass is adapting it for TV. I wish him luck, though it remains to be seen (literally) if the format will work in a visual medium.

One big debate was should Glass be shown. He will. It was deemed too arty if he were always off screen. They've also decided to put him behind a desk, but to make it interesting, the desk can be anywhere--whatever location fits the episode. He said when the director came up with the idea, everyone loved it.

It's a good concept, but it's not original. It's exactly what John Cleese used to do on Monty Python's Flying Circus.

Good As Gold

I recently heard a radio ad suggesting I buy gold. Who sponsors such things? The American Gold Sellers Association?

Anyway, the guy in the ad said another guy heard from his deli guy that it's time to buy. So, the argument goes, if even your deli guy says to buy gold, it's time to buy gold. Wrong. By the time your deli guy tells you to buy anything, it's time to sell.

Columbus Guy says: I'll say. I took a beating in corned beef yesterday.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Cheap at the price

IN an uncharacteristic lapse, el jefe is confused about (1) the rich paying most of the taxes and (2) taxes on the rich squarely hitting the middle class every time it's tried.

He should add "forty percent" to his incense-scented chants. Forty percent . . . forty percent . . . forty percent . . .

Can't wait till the children get free health care. That'll bring the figure down for sure, because, you know, the markets don't work in health care.

Oscar's Top Ten

I'm not going to comment on last night's Oscars. Kinda dull, no real surprises, what is there to say?

Over at Rotten Tomatoes, however they're listing all the Best Picture Oscar winners ever from top to bottom according to how the critics rated them. Here are the top ten:

1. The Godfather
2. On The Waterfront
3. All About Eve
4. Sunrise (A bit of a cheat since it won a special best picture Oscar in the first ceremony, while Wings won the regular Best Picture Oscar.)
5. Rebecca
6. Marty
7. The Best Years Of Our Lives
8. Lawrence Of Arabia
9. The Godfather II
10. Casablanca

I thought I'd make my own top ten list, but going over the winners, I realized how few of them I truly love. Nevertheless, here's my list.

1. Annie Hall
2. The Godfather
3. It Happened One Night
4. Sunrise (I'm cheating, too)
5. Casablanca
6. The Sting
7. Rocky
8. The Godfather II

For the last two, it's some mix of The Lost Weekend, Grand Hotel, The Best Years Of Our Lives, All About Eve, The Apartment, Kramer Vs. Kramer and Schindler's List.

A vain appeal

"I appeal to my colleagues in Congress to step back and think carefully about what to do next."

Vain AND stupid. They're thinking quite carefully, Joe, just not about things you admire.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Something amiss

If I were His Virtualness, I'd be worried about this scheduled entry test:

February 25, 2007

A LOOK AT moderate Islam today.
posted at 07:00 PM by Glenn Reynolds

MASH-UP MISCHIEF in campaign videos.
posted at 06:12 PM by Glenn Reynolds

Scheduled Entry Test
posted at 06:02 PM by Sekimori

THE "BIG DIG," repeats itself on a smaller scale.
posted at 01:22 PM by Glenn Reynolds

Astonishing

I understand people see things differently, but I just read a Timothy Noah piece in Slate that shocked me in its bizarro claims.

The article in general is your basic formula: flawed assumptions about Bush + faulty logic = unfair conclusions about Bush (which, let's face it, is a lot easier than actual debate).

But then I ran across this: Bush 43 is talking to Bush 41, and wants to know who these "neocons" are. Now I realize "neocon" no longer means anything (Noah hasn't gotten the memo yet), but this in itself is interesting. If it's true, I guess the neocon influence wasn't as great as so many anti-war types claimed (not that we didn't already know this), but for some reason Noah uses this story to attack Bush.

Next, Bush 43 describes the neocons thus: "I'll give it to you in one word: Israel." This is an odious and absurd slander, and I was waiting for Noah to start whaling on Bush 43. Instead, Noah states this claim is accurate.

Then, to complete the hat trick, Noah believes the story is reliable. Why? Because it comes from "good reporter" Alexander Cockburn.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Finding Jesus

And just before the Oscars, too.

How can we help the children?

Gee, the kids seem bored. How can we help them?

Hmm.

Hmmmmm.

I know! Let's chain them to their desks!

60 And 30

It's been a good month for TV, with new episodes all around. Unfortunately, two of the shows I watch, Studio 60 and 30 Rock, will be taking a break for a while. They may return this spring, but the vote of no confidence suggests they won't be back in the fall.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

(The replacement for Studio 60 is The Black Donnellys, a show about four working-class Irish-American brothers. In the promo, one says "we're his brothers, he needs us." I don't see how a show with a line like that can be any good.)

Friday, February 23, 2007

Getting with the program

"This tax was never meant to tax the middle class, so why should we count it as a revenue loss when we make sure they don't have to pay it?"

THis is one of my favorite non-concepts, teh "tax expenditure." THis is when the government doesn't tax something and decides to count it in faux, sorta, coulda been revenue figures. It's kind of like me saying I had a $10,000 revenue expenditure last year, consisting of money that I didn't earn and wasn't paid. Hell, why not make it $100,000? A million? I'd shave my head and sleep with Anna Nicole's corpse on Oprah for that kind of dough.

UPDATE: Here's a local story today: Gas-tax write off cost Ohio millions

Yeah, Ohio has an economy that's probably worth about a third of a trillion dollars. Leaving that in private hands has cost Ohio about a third of a trillion, less taxes.

Send In The Clowns

In case you were wondering, we picked out this blog's appearance because it's reminiscent of pajamas. Always on the lookout for siblings, Pajama Guy welcomes another blog to our list of those that use the same template.

First we found GayandRight, the gay conservative blog.

Next, History On Trial, a blog about the Holocaust and other Jewish issues. (I admit I don't get the template choice, but that's not my call.)

Today, we welcome Iowa's highly popular Krusty Konservative. Now let's have a reader exchange.

The Man In The Middle

Last year he faced the political fight of his life. This year it's sweet to be Joe Lieberman. The party that was ready to give him the heave ho now needs him badly.

He's certainly playing on this, as shown by his recent statement that there's a "remote" possibility he'll bolt. I can only imagine what it must feel like to be Harry Reid and have to knuckle under to this guy.

Of course, everyone knows it's poppycock--no chance he'll leave. The only question is how much leverage can he get as the man who puts his party in the majority.

(There is one other person in a comparable position in Washington today--Justice Kennedy. )

Degree of satisfaction: Zero

His Virtualness forwards a Michelle Malkin takedown of a criminal nutjob.

I guess there's some sort of public service to this, particularly when the Manhattan media repeats similar nonsense without end when the ideologies fit, but really, what's the point? It's like displaying a college newspaper to point out typos, or worse, stupidity.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

New Voices

A radio podcast puts out the anti-Iraq war argument. Except for the part about some lunatic conservative arguing that the Iraq war is justified by some ceasefire nonsense, it's pretty good.

They also serve

What an interesting little puzzle. It makes perfect sense that the prince would want to serve as an ordinary soldier, and it also makes sense that that's impossible. It's a sort of advance-Saving Private Harry, or Cornet Harry, anway.

It'd also be nice to know how he feels about Iraq itself. Is he the typical international law blatherer, like any Democrat, or does he see merit in standing up to terror? (Tony Blair was on BBC this morning, standing up to the usual lunacy from the Beeb, and doing such a nice job of it. You think of George W., and you just sigh.)

Cameron And Carbon

Cameron Diaz has been backing Al Gore in his crusade against global warming. When asked what she does personally, she said she drives a Prius, she "carbon neutralize[s]" when traveling, etc. She emphasized it's personal change that'll turn things around, not some big machine that takes carbon from the air and spits it into outer space.

I think she (and a lot of people) have it backwards. Let's say we all do what we can and, succeeding beyond expectations, are able to significantly reduce carbon emissions. All this will mean (aside from the pain it causes), seems to me, is we'll slow down any growing problems associated with carbon dioxide, not reverse them.

As sci-fi as it may sound, I think the ultimate solution will be something technical that positively affects the atmosphere. In fact, that carbon-sucking machine sounds great.

Self-sacrifice may make people feel they're doing something important, but it doesn't mean it's the best, or even a good, answer.

High praise indeed

"He would leave presidential candidates, and I suppose all other candidates for public office, with nothing to talk about.”

Oh, I don't know, they could still say, "George Bush sucks."

High praise indeed

"He would leave presidential candidates, and I suppose all other candidates for public office, with nothing to talk about.”

Oh, I don't know, they could still say, "George Bush sucks."

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Lying, Not Leaking

Here's an interesting headline: "CIA Leak Case Turned Over To Jury." Though the CIA regularly leaks things, more than ever during the war in Iraq, I wasn't aware someone finally decided to do something about it.

Imagine my disappointment when it was only the Scooter Libby case, which is about perjury and obstruction of justice. In fact, the judge has made it clear, whenever the jury wants to find out about the original non-crime--the investigation into which Libby is allegedly obstructing--that it's irrelevant to the case at hand.

The other one was that monkey

Our local public radio just noted that John "Glenn is often introduced to audiences as one of the greatest men in the world."

Yeah. Along with Albert II.

Isn't that called "projection"?

The New York Times is worried about the wrong echo chamber:

Scholars say Mr. Bush has been more strategic than most presidents in sprinkling loyalists throughout the administration. Paul C. Light, an expert in public service at New York University, says it has created an “echo chamber” in which the president gets advice he wants to hear.

Time After Time

This is from a recent letter to the LA Times, bemoaning the poor state of romantic comedy:
...the films of the '40s made by Preston Sturges, Frank Capra, Billy Wilder and Leo McCarey were great.
Right sentiment, wrong decade.

The best era for Hollywood romantic comedy was the 30s, not the 40s. By the time we entered the War, comedy was in dire straits--with the golden exception of Preston Sturges. (I'll give the letter-writer Sturges, who almost singlehandlely kept comedy alive in the 40s.)

Capra made all his great romantic comedies in the 30s. In fact, the only really good film he made after that decade is It's A Wonderful Life from 1946.

Wilder wrote some great comedies in the 30s, and directed some fine ones after that, but more in the 50s and 60s than the 40s.

Leo McCarey's great romantic comedies were made in the 30s. He made some very popular comedies in the 40s, but since they were about priests and nuns, they weren't romantic comedies.

It may seem I'm being picky, except I see this sort of chronological laziness all the time. No one (I hope) would confuse the silent 20s with the talkie 30s, but they seem to figure 30s, 40s, what's the difference.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Oscar, Oscar, Oscar

The Oscars are upon us, and though I'm not that thrilled with most of the nominees, at least there are some interesting races.

Let's talk about the major awards.

Screenplay: The likely winners are Little Miss Sunshine for original and The Departed for adapted. I liked Little Miss Sunshine a lot, though if I were voting I'm not sure if I'd choose it over The Queen or Pan's Labyrinth. (They're all very different films which shows how silly these awards are.) I would not vote for The Departed. Of the choices available I'd probably pick Little Children (which had something screenwriters are supposed to avoid--over-literary narration that tells you waht characters are thinking).

Director: Martin Scorsese is the odds-on favorite. He may have deserved it for better work in the past, but that's not how things always work out. I'd personally choose Paul Greengrass for United 93, the only director's film in this category not nominated for Best Picture.

Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls is a strong favorite. I'm actually not that impressed with the nominees, but I'd probably give it to Adriana Barraza in Babel.

Supporting Actor: This is traditionally the strongest category. Eddie Murphy in Dreamgirls seems to be the favorite, even though many note he's not that popular a person in Hollywood. Allan Arkin is a sentimental choice, and I'd guess he's not far behind Murphy. Djimon Hounsou (didn't see Blood Diamond) and Mark Wahlberg probably don't have much chance. Some have suggested Jackie Earle Haley, in a creepy comeback performance, as an interesting dark horse candidate. If I were voting, I'd pick Arkin, even though it's the kind of role that's begging for an award.

Actress: Helen Mirren will win for The Queen, but you already knew that. Some good work here, but I'd probably give it to the only American nominated, Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. (It may be a supporting role, but this is where she's nominated.)

Actor: Forest Whitaker is a solid frontrunner, though there could be a sentimental vote for Peter O'Toole. (Don't overestimate the Academy's sentiment, though.) DiCaprio may have given two major leading performances last year, but I don't think they'll add up to a win. Some are suggesting Ryan Gosling as an interesting dark horse. As to my pick, I'm at a disadvantage, since I didn't see Whitaker or DiCaprio in their nominated roles. And the other three, O'Toole, Gosling and Will Smith, didn't impress me so much that I feel they deserve a major award. I guess if pressed I'd choose O'Toole.

Best Picture: Now this is interesting. For the first time in years there's no clear leader. In fact, I'd say four of the five pictures nominated had a clear shot. The only one that I can't see winning is Letters From Iwo Jima. Little Miss Sunshine is very well liked, but looks to be in trouble since it's the only choice without a director nomination. The Departed, the favorite if there is one, is the biggest hit and has major names in front of and behind the camera. Babel is the sort of "serious" film that the Academy believes burnishes its rep. And The Queen is a classy project that everyone thinks highly of. If I were voting, I'd choose Little Miss Sunshine.

Monday, February 19, 2007

In the presence of greatness




I just want to say, whatever consultant recommended this photo is worth his weight in gold. Hot, young and likeable, that's what I say.

McCain: One of the worst political hacks in history

McCain: Rumsfeld One Of Worst Secretaries Of Defense In History

But what about the stones?


Even ColumbusGal
thinks this legislation is a bit wacky, and she's no fan of naked lady mud flaps, I tell you what. I couldn't find a google picture of the offender (talk about needing a legislative fix), so I posted a picture of ColumbusGal's Valentine's Day gift instead.

Downtown Vegas

Atlantic City can't keep up with its foreign competition, it seems. What is the market price of giving money away, anyway?

Candy Wonk

I was just watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (not to be confused with its worthy if unnecessary successor Charlie And The Chocolate Factory) and I have a question.

First, a quick review of the plot. Willy Wonka is this sadistic chocolate manufacturer who invites five kids on a tour of his place so he can torture them. One by one they get knocked off along the way. (At the end, Wonka assures Charlie, the one kid who makes it, that they'll all be fine. I want to believe this.)

Then he denies Charlie the promised lifetime supply of chocolate because Charlie broke some rule listed in the fine print. Charlie is disappointed, but still has the option of turning over the Everlasting Gobstopper candy he's received to Slugworth, Wonka's competition, for big bucks.

Now doing this would be underhanded, though after the way he's been shafted by Wonka, it would be understandable. Instead, Charlie gives back the Gobstopper to Wonka. Wonka's been waiting for this moment ("Slugworth" is actually his employee--Wonka's been playing more mind games with the kids) and turns over his factory to Charlie.

Now think about this. Okay, Wonka wouldn't want to give up his joint to some kid who sells him out, but was he really expecting Charlie (or any of the others) to return the Gobstopper? He gave it to them. Since they're not getting anything else, why shouldn't they keep it?

For that matter, I'm not clear why Charlie returns it. He doesn't seem to be acting with contempt--"take this, you bastard, I want nothing to do with you!" Nor does he seem to feel guilty about breaking some minor rule. He acts like it's the right thing to do when, in fact, he's entitled to keep it, and enjoy it.

So Wonka shouldn't expect it, and Charlie shouldn't do it. Some ending.

Columbus Guy says: We waited 35 years for this? I don't think so. THis is a transparent attempt to please your masters by justifying the heinous actions of our corporate overlords.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Sensational headline of the week

"Scientists prepare way for bionic man"

Isn't that just a bit much for "The goal is to give quadriplegic patients an electronic brain implant, linked to an electrical system of muscle stimulation, enabling them to move their limbs by thought alone – just like healthy people. “This system will represent a quantum leap in rehabilitation technology,” said Prof Donoghue, “and it will fundamentally alter the lives of people with spinal cord injury.”

Travel Agent

I was walking past a travel agent's office recently. (I didn't even know they existed any more--doesn't everyone order tickets over the internet?)

In the window was listed the price of one-way and round-trip tickets to various places. The one-way ticket to San Francisco was $82. The round-trip ticket was $186. Does this make any sense?

I'm reminded of a joke that's not closely related. A guy goes to buy a round-trip ticket. The travel agent asks "to where?" He replies, with some surprise "to here."

Columbus Guy says: Careful, LAGuy, or you'll get drummed out of the Reason Institution.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

One step at a time

A bionic eye that can restore sight to the blind should be available commercially within two years

Computers can do anything, it seems. I doubt, however, that they'll ever develop a chip that will bring economics to the masses. Microsoft will program it out.

D'Oh!

Ben Yagoda has a piece on interjections in Slate. One of the words he discusses is meh.

You see meh a fair amount these days. My understanding is it signifies something that's nothing special. Reading Yagoda's piece, I'm not sure if he gets it (assuming I get it).

Odder, he says it's helped feh, the great Yiddish interjection, become more popular. Huh? I haven't noticed any uptick in feh. (Like Yagoda, I've noticed more heh, which I assume is due to Instapundit and its ilk.)

The strangest thing, though, is Yagoda writing "[meh] had the ultimate honor of being featured in a Simpsons exchange" and then goes on to quote the dialogue. This gets it completely wrong.

Meh (once again, as I understand it) was not some hot new word that The Simpsons finally picked up on and honored. Meh was invented (or at least popularized) by The Simpsons, and used by them repeatedly over the years; the exchange noted by Yagoda is their recognition of just how popular this word had become, thanks to them.

Friday, February 16, 2007

The Great Taranto loses his nerve

Somebody should tell Taranto that the joke isn't funny when you explain it.

Sarah Silverman

I've always liked Sarah Silverman, a mix of the cute and the profane. But I wasn't thrilled with her movie Jesus Is Magic--her material seemed too thin when stretched out to feature length.

I think she's got it just right on Comedy Central's Sarah Silverman Program. A somewhat absurdist take on the sitcom, it hits its jokes and then moves on. I hear the channel has already ordered new episodes, which is more than the late, unlamented Stella (which I liked better) got.

Plug

Since his book is already being mentioned on Instapundit, he doesn't need my help. Nevertheless, let me put in a plug for Brian Doherty's Radicals For Capitalism, a book he's been working on (and grumbling about) for years. It's an enjoyable and informative take on the history of American libertarians.

Seventeen Years Too Late

Al Franken has announced he's running for the Senate. His statement takes all sorts of brave stances: Believe it or not, Al is against politics as usual. He thinks the middle class is being squeezed. He supports programs that will help people.

Aside from a general belief in big government, there's no substance here. He's hardly the first to be so vague, but one might hope someone with a different background could try to be a different sort of candidate.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

The dangers of snarkiness

Hey, a fellow Chicago grad writes some good stuff. A nice blog piece and cheers to her for writing it and ABC for posting it. But some of the wit makes some of the points unclear (yeah, yeah, pot, kettle).

Here's to any argument for striking down sentencing laws in the entirety on the basis of their substance, and here's to poking more holes, many more holse, in these blowhards' egos.

And now, for something completely different, an intellectual appeal:


Rocket science

"A new study reveals that plain old concrete, the most common human-made material on the planet, owes its properties to its nanoscale structure. "

Pretty soon someone will discover combustion owes its properties to nanoscale phenomena. And I suppose a Nobel Prize awaits whoever discovers the general principle that chemistry owes its properties to nanoscale structure.

On The Sligh

I've been enjoying the latest edition of American Idol, though during the massive cuts made in Hollywood, they've removed a lot of my favorite contestants.

But one guy who's made it so far, to my surprise, is Chris Sligh. Pudgy, with weird, curly hair, he doesn't seem the Idol type. (He doesn't seem any type.) But he has a decent voice and, unlike any previous contestant I can recall, is genuinely funny.

Could someone who looks like him become a star? Sure, it already happened to Turtles' lead singer Mark Volman.

Weather Wimp

I head you've been having pretty severe weather out there in the Northeast. (We don't have have a BuffaloGuy, but if anyone wants to volunteer...)

That's too bad. I just want to let you know it was a beautiful day out here in LA. But then, isn't it always?

I saw plenty of harsh winters growing up, but sometimes I wonder if I could hack it anymore.

Another One Bites The Dust

Since his divorce in 1999, Howard Stern (the less famous one who doesn't claim to have fathered Anna Nicole Smith's baby) said he'd never get married again, not even to his beautiful girlfriend, model Beth Ostrosky. I told people back then he talks a good game, but he'll give in.

Whether it was his idea, or she made him think it was his idea, he's just gotten engaged. I wish them both luck. For all his radio activities, he's actually a pretty good catch.

Columbus Guy says: I think we should say, "the less famous one who doesn't yet claim to have fathered Anna Nicole Smith's baby."

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Plausible

At Ain't It Cool News I read a plausible (by sf standards) explanation of why, in Battlestar Galactica, Baltar has a Six in his head and Six (as we saw last week) has a Balter in her head. It's from someone called Aloysius Here's his theory, as he puts it:
Six sheilds Baltar from the flying glass - the explosion was distant so the real threat was the window. Six dies, and downloads. A combination of her focus on Gaius, saving his life, the proximity, his Cylon affinity, radiation from the nukes, whatever, cause a hiccup in the downloading process- he get some of her chocolate, she gets some of his peanut butter. This comminglement is the first Cylon/human "combination" which is why Baltar has the role of guardian of the new generation. Head Six and Head Baltar are the parts of them that went through the transfer, so they are more hip to the religious angle and less trapped by the particular situation the "host" finds his/herself in.
Good work, A.

Factory Film Festival

I think I'll go see Factory Girl. The reviews have been terrible, but I'm fascinated by screen portayals of Andy Warhol. I'd like to see what Guy Pearce does with the role. Hey, why don't we have a Factory Film Festival, where we can catch several actors playing the part?

First, The Doors, with a creepy Crispin Glover. (The message of the film seems to be go do drugs with your cool LA friends in the desert, not with those nasty vampires in New York.)

Next, Jared Harris, the most butch of the bunch, in I Shot Andy Warhol.

Then a fey David Bowie (who knew the original?) in Basquiat.

By the way, in Rex Reed's review of Factory Girl, he states Bob Dylan never did a screen test for Warhol. Yes he did.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Quick! LAGuy! Is it news?!

Here's a howler. Let's start with the headline: "Fred Thompson contends Libby prosecutor out of control"

Uh, who cares? Conclusion: Not news.

But wait. It's boxed with a teaser, "More news from WMCTV.com" Hmm. So it must be news, since they're offering to give us more of it.

But wait. The statetment, "The Republican former lawmaker said the prosecutor had to have known from the start that it was not a crime to disclose Valerie Plame's identity as an agent" is followed by the clearly non-objective, "That isn't what Libby is charged with." So, not news. (Never mind the obtuse logic, or lack of it.)

Then there's this: "Thompson's objections are the same ones Democratic politicians made in the 1990s about independent counsel Kenneth Starr, who spent six years investigating President Clinton and first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton." Oh yeah, they're the same. Not news.

But wait a minute, wait a minute. It's from the Associated Press. Well, hell's bells, why didn't yu say so to begin with. Most definitely, not news.

Value

My computer was down a couple days last week. I called to complain and they offered to pro rate the time and take it off my bill. I tried to explain, without success, that the bill should be cut a lot more.

One of the things I'm paying for is reliability. It doesn't matter if the product doesn't work for just an hour--knowing that I can't rely on it any time of day lowers its value considerably.

I Didn't Even Know They Made It Any More

Just a quick note on the story of Lisa Nowak, the lovelorn astronaut up for attempted murder.

After a week of this stuff, I just want to say I've never heard so many Tang puns in my entire life.

Le Réalité Et Toi, Vous Ne Vous Entendez Pas, N'est-ce Pas?

Ségolène Royal, the socialist who hopes to lead France, has unveiled her program. Among other things, she plans to raise pensions, create a minimum wage of $2000 a month, and guarantee everyone out of college a job (or more training--back to school!).

You know, if she'd sweeten the pot just a bit more, no one in France would ever have to work again.

Columbus Guy says: Let's start a pool: When will she be seen with Hillary?

Monday, February 12, 2007

Even Republican John McCain says this isn't right

John must be confused. He's no different than ever, but the headlines are changing. What, oh, what could this be about?

And for the fellas?

"Women have grown their own breast implants through pioneering stem cell treatment, it emerged yesterday. "

So women can roll their own. I guess any good libertarian can say only, "you go, girl." But, notwithstanding that this can be interpreted as a gift for men already, what about the guys?

One in 10,000

"The first such condition would be a monopoly on the legitimate use of force."

So many people so rarely get the big stuff right, it's jarring to see it stated outright.

LAGuy third favorite topic, after evolution and press bias

"The extrasensory perception lab at Princeton University will be shuttered at the end of the month. Maybe you already knew that."

LAGuy adds: This is LAGuy and I do not endorse the title of this post.

Star Trek Titles

When I call this post "Star Trek Titles," I mean Star Trek titles. The following is a list of the best 15 episode titles of the original series. In other words, if I knew nothing about the shows except what they're called, these are the ones I'd watch first.

I was looking for titles that promised fun, action and excitement. The more evocative the better. Points off for Shakespeare quotes.

15. A Piece Of The Action
14. Space Seed
13. This Side Of Paradise
12. Who Mourns For Adonais?
11. Let That Be Your Last Battlefield
10. Spectre Of The Gun
9. The Tholian Web
8. Where No Man Has Gone Before
7. The Cloud Minders
6. Wink Of An Eye
5. That Which Survives
4. Balance Of Terror
3. Amok Time
2. The Savage Curtain
1. Operation: Annihilate!

First, Don't Use Quotes

Battlestar Galactica is about humans, but not from Earth. Their world has many parallels to ours, but not the same history.

That why I was a bit confused last night when Colonel Tigh told a doctor who was killing people "what ever happened to 'do no harm'?" Is he quoting from what he believes to be in the Hippocratic Oath? Does their world have an Hippocrates?

By the way, he's speaking to a Doctor Robert. Is this an allusion to the Beatles' "Doctor Robert"?

Which reminds me of the last episode of Lost. (A fine episode.) Juliet's husband was named Edmund Burke. The show already has one character called John Locke, and another called Rousseau. They might be going overboard on this philosopher name thing.

Sing, Sing A Song

At the end of The Simpsons last night (a weak, unfocused episode), Homer suggests to Bart they go driving while he sings public domain songs. This in-joke might have worked better if the episode hadn't already used "Powerhouse," The Allman Brothers' "Jessica," War's "Cisco Kid," Bill Haley's "Rock Around The Clock" and an instrumental of "Stranger In Paradise."

Or was that the point? They were already tapped out paying for those.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Down, Please

Today is the last day my Film Year In Review is still on the scroll, so go down to February 5 and check it out. It'll be available tomorrow, but you'll have to check the archives.

What a secure sign in buys you

"Due to your repeated attempts to upload inappropriate videos, your account now been permanently disabled, and your videos have been taken down."

Yeah, I got your inappropriate content right here, boss. The future Arnold won't be saying, "You've been terminated," he'll be saying "Your account has been disabled."

Beats Me

I like LA City Beat. It's the alternative to the alternative LA Weekly. But this week has me wondering.

First, there's the cover feature, "Rebel Radio." Here's the sub-head: "Beating the odds and predictions of its demise, Air America not only stays afloat, but helps swing an election and spawns a new industry in progressive talk radio.

Are we talking about the same Air America? The bankrupt network being sold at a bargain basement price? The one losing its biggest name? Is this an elaborate practical joke?

Next we see the DVD review of Idiocracy. It's by Andy Klein, who seems to be in decline. He spends half his space on pointless speculation as to why Fox (owned by the evil Rupert Murdoch) dumped this film in theatres.

But before then, he makes a mistake unfortunately too common. Here's his description of the premise:
A narrator explains how simple genetic logic has led to the world’s decline. Natural selection has ceased: And, since the intelligent are overly cautious about breeding and the least intelligent completely irresponsible, the gene pool grows stupider and stupider, until we’re a bunch of drooling morons...
Differential success in breeding, no matter who succeeds, is precisely what natural selection's about.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Back

I took a couple days off, and then my computer was down for a couple more, so I haven't been around for a while. I'm glad to be back. I hope not to desert you, faithful reader, for that long again (real vacations excepted).

Columbus Guy says: Thank God. I was starting to wonder: "You know, I've never seen LAGuy and Anna Nicole Smith in the same room . . ."

Friday, February 09, 2007

Layers of checks and balances

"WaPo Corrects Feith Scoop: Almost All the Quotes Were Wrong"

Manhattan Media strikes again.

Can this be reconciled with praiseworthy homicide?

So brain scans can tell us what we're going to do before we do it. What would Bitter Bierce have to say about this?

Wrong fiasco, Bob

Bob "Scooter" Novak chides the Republicans for getting bad headlines:

McConnell's tactics resulted in no resolution passed by the Senate any time soon. The White House was overjoyed. But Tuesday's newspaper headlines indicated a public relations fiasco for Republicans

Uh, Bob, that's what the Manhattan Media does, look for ways to write bad headlines about Republicans, false or true doesn't matter. The fiasco isn't the headline; the fiasco is not recognizing these people as being on the other side.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Not bloody likely

"Longtime readers of this column will remember that about three years ago I was the first journalist to come out and publicly predict the death of newspapers. "

Three years ago, give him a year so, 2003, give him another year, 2002. YOu mean no journliast was predicting the death of newspapers in 2002? Really?

Next up, wages

It's news that Wal-Mart or any other employer would like for the government to pick up part of its labor costs? Heck, they'd like the taxpayer to pick up the whole tab. Socialize those wages! And if the workers turn out for some reason not to work as well, we could return to that successful 19th Century policy of having the government shoot them.

Just don't socialize the profits. Those are sacrosanct. We could, however, talk about losses . . .

Poor New York Times

Oh, my poor, poor friends at the Times. They just SO much want to run that headline about Cheney's impeachment ("Now I'll show you how a Republican dies") that they just can't hold it back. Titillation indeed.

The grand jury tapes offered a titillating, occasionally entertaining behind-the-scenes look at the highest levels of the Bush administration.
Mr. Libby said he told the vice president, while both were in Wyoming, that “it was unfair” that the White House had not corrected reports that he had leaked Mrs. Wilson’s name to the columnist Robert Novak, who disclosed it a column in July 2003.
“It should be fixed,” Mr. Libby said he told Mr. Cheney.
“I was not the person who talked to Mr. Novak and leaked this bit,” Mr. Libby is heard to say in a soft, even voice. “You know,” Mr. Libby said he told Mr. Cheney, “I learned this from Tim Russert.”
At that, Mr. Cheney tilted his head. “The Tim Russert part got his attention,” Mr. Libby said.
Although the audiotapes were played by the prosecution, they also recalled -- this time in Mr. Libby’s own voice -- assertions by Mr. Libby’s lawyers in the trial’s opening arguments that their client was made a scapegoat by White House officials determined to protect Mr. Rove at all costs. (Mr. Wilson has said he suspects Mr. Rove of having something to do with disclosing his wife’s identity in revenge for his article in The Times.)
At one point in his grand jury testimony, Mr. Fitzgerald asked Mr. Libby why he was smiling. Because, Mr. Libby replied, a line of questioning had just reminded him that Mr. Cheney did weigh in on his behalf.
“It looks like he was trying to protect me a little bit, which is nice,” Mr. Libby said.
He recalled during their meeting in Wyoming Mr. Cheney saying, “I know you were not the leak, not the source,” and pledging to make the necessary phone calls to the White House publicity machine to that effect.
Later in his conversation with the vice president, though, Mr. Libby recalled telling him that, after his memory was refreshed by looking at internal documents, he concluded he had learned about Mrs. Wilson from from Mr. Cheney himself and not Mr. Russert.
“From me?” Mr. Cheney replied, tilting his head again. After considerably more back-and-forth, Mr. Libby testified, the vice president said, “Fine.”
Then Mr. Cheney raised his hand in a gesture that Mr. Libby said he interpreted as, “You know, we shouldn’t be talking about the details of this.”
Recalling the events of that autumn of 2003, Mr. Libby noted that he was giving a true account “if memory serves -- and it doesn’t always.”


If you want, you know, actual news about what, you know, actually happened, you'll have to read it here.

Not too much

I think there's a certain amount of freedom you want to give people that live in the city to kind of screw up a little bit

The best news of the day

"One cable chief executive, Duco Sickinghe from Belgian operator Telenet, said it was "the best news of the day" to hear that Google could not scale for video."

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

On the other hand

Under the most disturbing news of the day category is this story. It seems for every hero, there is some fool or his grieving family shaming his name. Props out there to my buddies on the ICC. (I know, too generous; it's probably 10 to one in favor of the fools.)

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

See Ya Soon

Taking a day or two off after yesterday's magnum opus.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Film Year In Review--2006

Not a horrible year, but certainly not a great one, or even a particularly good one.

In past years, I've listed the major films I didn't see, but then someone had the nerve to complain I'd missed so many that I didn't have the right to do any sort of wrap-up. Just for that, I'm not gonna say what I missed, you'll have to guess. (If I don't mention it, I probably didn't see it).

What am I reviewing? Feature films released in 2006. No shorts, made-for-TV movies or mini-series. I will, however, include stuff out earlier overseas, or knocking around for a while at festivals, if they were only available theatrically to me in 2006. (But not if they're too old--sorry, Army Of Shadows.)

My top ten is at the bottom, but why not browse first?

SPECIAL AWARDS AND PRIVATE THOUGHTS

Worst Teacher Award: In The History Boys, Richard Griffiths fondles his charges. In Notes On A Scandal, Cate Blanchett sleeps with a student. But the worst teacher is Ryan Gosling in Half Nelson. Not only is he a crackhead--he doesn't even stick to the lesson plan.

A Story, Not A Lecture: I'm not naming any names, but I just want to say something to you documentarians out there--if you expect me to pay, I think entertaining me is a better strategy than hectoring me.

The Misadventures Of Superman: Before they wrote a bad script, before they cast the wrong people, before the chose the wrong director, Superman Returns never had a chance. Why? Because, for some reason, they decided to start the action after everything interesting had happened. Superman's already discovered his powers and been revealed to the world, he's already had a fling with Lois, heck, the world's even grown tired of him. There were a lot of things wrong with this film, but even if they'd fixed them, it wouldn't have mattered if they kept the basic storyline.

Best Reboot: Casino Royale. Okay, it has some third act problems, and it's a little weird seeing James Bond play Texas Hold 'em (and Hollywood's idea of a "tell" is still someone essentailly shouting "this is my tell!"), but overall, the best Bond in a long time.

The Slough Of Despond Award: There's nothing wrong with showing tragic events in a movie, but when a filmmaker tries to put you through too much, sometimes you have to say the hell with it. Two fine directors made films in 2006 that showed talent but were too bitter and depressing to go down well. If they don't watch it, they're going to join Todd Solondz and others who seem to be choking on their misanthopy. First, there's Terry Zwigoff's Art School Confidential, where his anti-formula formula has everything going bad for his young, hopeful hero. (Voltaire pulled if off, but Zwigoff, you're no Voltaire.) Worse, I think, is Alejandro Inarritu's highly regarded Babel, which has enough misery for ten movies, much of it at the expense of children. (Also, Alejandaro, stop telling stories told from multiple points of view that jump back and forth in time--it's getting old.)

Scariest Moment In The Theatre: The Omen remake. Not the film, of course, but as I was walking out, this lady starting talking to me. She even followed me out to the parking lot. She said everything in the film was true and I had better put my house in order.

Most Exciting Moment In The Theatre: Game 6. A fairly forgettable film (written by Don DeLillo) about a playwright/Red Sox fan. However, when the lights came up I had words with another patron and we almost came to blows.

Neonoir: Two films tried to be modern Noir. Lucky Number Slevin was a complex story full of colorful characters and bizarrre twists. Brick was set in a high school, but otherwise pretty much played it straight as a tough-guy murdery mystery. Both these films had their fans, and both had their moments, but I think they both fell short.

Best final shot: Babel. We start close on two people in a high rise balcony in Japan. We smoothly pull back and back and back, seeing the whole city. After all that pain, it was quite beautiful.

Worst Sequel: Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dean Man’s Chest. One of the biggest hits of all time. I don't get it.

Don't Even Try: I guess they wanted to restart the Pink Panther franchise, but when a great clown owns a role, leave it alone.

Most Worthless Film: Miami Vice. Poorly plotted, ciphers for characters, ugly to look at. I understand that Michael Mann wanted to move away from the series, but he should have been moving toward something as well.

Best Music: A tie. First, there's the snatch of cool jazz on the jukebox as Frenchman Jean Girard enters the country bar in Talladega Nights. Second, under the end credits of Brick, we hear the Velvet Underground's "Sister Ray." Playing "Sister Ray" will improve anyone's end credits.

Comedy Deterioration: Few great film comedians stay great their whole careers. Christophers Guest's For Your Consideration is his weakest film by far. A fall from a greater heights to lower depths comes from Albert Brooks in Looking For Comedy In The Muslim World.

Worst Adapations Of A Bad Novel (you heard me): The Da Vinci Code

Best Avant-Garde Film Of 2006: Disguised as a mainstream comedy, You, Me And Dupree is a surrealist classic. Scenes follow one upon another in seemingly random order. Major plots points are introduced and dropped as if they never happened. Characters become obsessed with irrelevant issues. All the lines have nothing to do with the characters or action.

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly: Comedy based on humiliation and disgust can work, but you have to watch out. You can have a sweetness behind it (good) or go all the way but mock yourself (bad). However, when you make fun of relatively decent people, ultimately, it's not pleasant to watch. That's why, even though laughed a lot, I can't say I liked Borat.

It's Magic: Two period pieces about magicians came out around the same time, The Illusionist and The Prestige. I liked them both, though not enough for the top ten. The Illusionist has a smaller but better story. The Prestige has great design and some interesting twists, but goes too far, getting a bit ridiculous, which is why I think The Illusionist probably works better.

Best Title: Inland Empire. It's an area out here in Southern California, but also a wonderfully evocative title, better than Chinatown. Too bad David Lynch's latest is twice as long as Eraserhead and not half a good.

No Motown Award: On Broadway, Dreamgirls was saved by Michael Bennett's brilliant staging. Without it, you've got a cliched plot and forgettable songs. In other words, the movie. (Someday, someone should make a film about the actual Motown--now that's a story.)

Admired, Not Loved: There's a lot to admire about Children Of Men. A good sf premise, a well-imagined dsytopia, and wonderfully shot action sequences. But it left me cold. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe because an interesting start devolved into a simple chase where the main couple kept escaping just in time, sometimes by luck. Maybe because the characters didn't have much depth. Maybe because the whole point of the mission was unclear, and it didn't seem that people were taking the birth of a child in a childless world seriously enough.

The Phrynichus Award: Phrynchius was an ancient Greek playwright who moved the Athenian audience to tears when he wrote about a conquest by the Persians. For reminding people of recent misfortune, he was fined, and it was declared no play would ever again be allowed on such a subject. I'm not in favor of banning movies about 9/11, but I'm not quite sure how to react. United 93 was expertly done, and is, as far as I can tell, a faithful representation of what happened that day. But am I reacting so strongly because of the film, or because I'm reminded of what really happened? I can't separate the two, so I don't know how to judge it.

Charlie Kafuman Lite Award: I have enough trouble with Charlie Kaufman's stuff, so when someone does what feels like a bad imitation--Zach Helm's Stranger Than Fiction--what's the point?

Gonna Fly Now Nostalgia Award: Rocky Balboa. A mess of a film, with a ridiculous ending where a 60-year old man takes on a heavyweight in his prime. Don't forget, the first Rocky film 30 years ago (!) was about a guy who was already over the hill. Yet, away from the fighting, Stallone reminded us for the first time since, well, Rocky, why we once liked him so much.

Bait And Switch Award: Happy Feet. It promised to be a fun film about penguins singing and dancing up a storm. Instead, it's a depressing tale about overfishing.

CATEGORIES

Maybe Comedy Isn't Your Field: The Pacifier

Maybe Comedy Is Your Field: Matador

Maybe Comedy Mixed With Large Dollops Of Drama Isn't Your Field: Click

Good Spoof: Scary Movie 4

Bad Spoof: Date Movie

Passable Cop Movie: 16 Blocks, Inside Man

Passable Action Movie: Mission Impossible III, X-Men: The Last Stand

I Don't Care What They Say, I Liked It: RV

At Least They Gave It A Shot: Lucky Number Slevin, Brick, Art School Confidential, Babel

Disappointments: Looking For Comedy In The Muslim World, Game 6, The Pink Panther, A Prairie Home Companion, The Da Vinci Code, Lady In The Water (a disaster and this from someone who sorta liked The Village), Half Nelson, Snakes On A Plane, School For Scoundrels, Employee Of The Month, The Departed (why people think so highly of this film is beyond me), Flags Of Our Fathers (Clint does it again), Apocalypto, The Pursuit Of Happyness, For Your Consideration, Dreamgirls, The Descent, Superman Returns, Miami Vice, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, The Good Shepherd, Children Of Men, Borat, Happy Feet, Stranger Than Fiction

Huge Disappointments Because I Was Expecting So Much: Inland Empire, Volver (not bad, but a weird mix of Mildred Pierce and Topper that never really takes off)

About What I Expected: Factotum, Night At The Museum, Precinct B13 (some decent action, but no Jackie Chan), The Break-Up, Over The Hedge, Cars, Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (I entered the theatre like a condemned man), The Illusionist, The Prestige, Harsh Times (starts out okay, but just like Training Day goes too far), Flushed Away (maybe the best animated film of the year, but must they continue to make stars out of vermin?)

Better Than Expected: Idiocracy, Talladega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby, Benchwarmers, Rocky Balboa, Casino Royale, Notes On A Scandal

Don't Know What To Say: United 93

BUBBLING UNDER THE TOP TEN

Tristram Shandy: They tried to film an unfilmable novel and almost pulled it off.

Thank You For Smoking: Well done satire.

The History Boys: Lines that work on stage don't play as well on screen, but there's still a lot here.

The Devil Wears Prada: The hypocritical Hollywood plot where the protagonist is involved in a nasty world for 90% of the film only to return to the boring straight and narrow at the end. But the nasty was so much fun that this relatively unassuming film because a huge worldwide hit.

Friends With Money: Maybe it doesn't aim that high, but it hits the mark.

TOP TEN (THE ORDER IN WHICH I SAW THEM)

Heart Of The Game: A documentary about girls' high school basketball that's better than Hoop Dreams.

Wordplay: Being a bit of a word freak, I thought this documentary took a subject that's fairly static--crossword puzzles--and made it come alive.

Clerks II: Kevin Smith isn't much of a director, and hit and miss as a writer. I thnk he managed to put it all together this time--the raw humor and the sweetness underneath.

Little Miss Sunshine: This film is feeling the Sideways backlash, where people question a diverting festival film that hits it big. But it's moves along, has some nice laughs, and, though it gets silly at points, has a finish that works.

Jackass Number Two: Why do we go to films? One reason is to take us places we haven't been. Well, as hard as some of it is to handle, Jackass Number Two succeeds at this goal better than any other film this year.

Infamous: The audience clearly wasn't in the mood for another film about the writing of In Cold Blood, but I liked it better than Capote. Some said it's less truthful, but who cares. It's more fun and still makes the same points. When I saw Philip Seymour Hoffman play Truman Capote, I saw an actor doing an impersonation. When I watched Toby Jones play the same role, I thought I was watching Truman Capote.

Little Children: I wasn't the biggest fan of Todd Field's In The Bedroom, so I was surprised at how much I liked this. Not much happens, but it captures a mood and holds it for most of the film.

The Queen: I put off seeing this film since I have no interest in the present-day monarchy. But this was able to successfully and sympathetically imagine what it feels like to be in an odd position--a living representative of tradition in a changing world.

Lunacy: I doubt too many have seen it, or even heard of it, but this is Jan Svankmajer's latest. A mixture of Poe and de Sade, the plot moves in directions that are hard to predict (even if the political metaphors are a bit obvious).

Pan's Labyrinth: Guillermo del Toro's mix of the brutal and the fantastic. On paper, it shouldn't work, but it's perhaps the most powerful film of the year.

I love Big Google

I am happy to be back posting.

I'm happy to log in through a secure account.

I'm happy to have the chip in my neck; it's stylish.

I love Big Google.

Film Year In Review--2006


Not a horrible year, but certainly not a great one, or even a particularly good one.

In past years, I've listed the major films I didn't see, but then someone had the nerve to complain I'd missed so many that I didn't have the right to do any sort of wrap-up. Just for that, I'm not gonna say what I missed, you'll have to guess. (If I don't mention it, I probably didn't see it).

What am I reviewing? Feature films released in 2006. No shorts, made-for-TV movies or mini-series. I will, however, include stuff out earlier overseas, or knocking around for a while at festivals, if they were only available theatrically to me in 2006. (But not if they're too old--sorry, Army Of Shadows.)

My top ten is at the bottom, but why not browse first?

SPECIAL AWARDS AND PRIVATE THOUGHTS

Worst Teacher Award: In The History Boys, Richard Griffiths fondles his charges. In Notes On A Scandal, Cate Blanchett sleeps with a student. But the worst teacher is Ryan Gosling in Half Nelson. Not only is he a crackhead--he doesn't even stick to the lesson plan.

A Story, Not A Lecture: I'm not naming any names, but I just want to say something to you documentarians out there--if you expect me to pay, I think entertaining me is a better strategy than hectoring me.

The Misadventures Of Superman: Before they wrote a bad script, before they cast the wrong people, before the chose the wrong director, Superman Returns never had a chance. Why? Because, for some reason, they decided to start the action after everything interesting had happened. Superman's already discovered his powers and been revealed to the world, he's already had a fling with Lois, heck, the world's even grown tired of him. There were a lot of things wrong with this film, but even if they'd fixed them, it wouldn't have mattered if they kept the basic storyline.

Best Reboot: Casino Royale. Okay, it has some third act problems, and it's a little weird seeing James Bond play Texas Hold 'em (and Hollywood's idea of a "tell" is still someone essentailly shouting "this is my tell!"), but overall, the best Bond in a long time.

The Slough Of Despond Award: There's nothing wrong with showing tragic events in a movie, but when a filmmaker tries to put you through too much, sometimes you have to say the hell with it. Two fine directors made films in 2006 that showed talent but were too bitter and depressing to go down well. If they don't watch it, they're going to join Todd Solondz and others who seem to be choking on their misanthopy. First, there's Terry Zwigoff's Art School Confidential, where his anti-formula formula has everything going bad for his young, hopeful hero. (Voltaire pulled if off, but Zwigoff, you're no Voltaire.) Worse, I think, is Alejandro Inarritu's highly regarded Babel, which has enough misery for ten movies, much of it at the expense of children. (Also, Alejandaro, stop telling stories told from multiple points of view that jump back and forth in time--it's getting old.)

Scariest Moment In The Theatre: The Omen remake. Not the film, of course, but as I was walking out, this lady starting talking to me. She even followed me out to the parking lot. She said everything in the film was true and I had better put my house in order.

Most Exciting Moment In The Theatre: Game 6. A fairly forgettable film (written by Don DeLillo) about a playwright/Red Sox fan. However, when the lights came up I had words with another patron and we almost came to blows.

Neonoir: Two films tried to be modern Noir. Lucky Number Slevin was a complex story full of colorful characters and bizarrre twists. Brick was set in a high school, but otherwise pretty much played it straight as a tough-guy murdery mystery. Both these films had their fans, and both had their moments, but I think they both fell short.

Best final shot: Babel. We start close on two people in a high rise balcony in Japan. We smoothly pull back and back and back, seeing the whole city. After all that pain, it was quite beautiful.

Worst Sequel: Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dean Man’s Chest. One of the biggest hits of all time. I don't get it.

Don't Even Try: I guess they wanted to restart the Pink Panther franchise, but when a great clown owns a role, leave it alone.

Most Worthless Film: Miami Vice. Poorly plotted, ciphers for characters, ugly to look at. I understand that Michael Mann wanted to move away from the series, but he should have been moving toward something as well.

Best Music: A tie. First, there's the snatch of cool jazz on the jukebox as Frenchman Jean Girard enters the country bar in Talladega Nights. Second, under the end credits of Brick, we hear the Velvet Underground's "Sister Ray." Playing "Sister Ray" will improve anyone's end credits.

Comedy Deterioration: Few great film comedians stay great their whole careers. Christophers Guest's For Your Consideration is his weakest film by far. A fall from a greater heights to lower depths comes from Albert Brooks in Looking For Comedy In The Muslim World.

Worst Adapations Of A Bad Novel (you heard me): The Da Vinci Code

Best Avant-Garde Film Of 2006: Disguised as a mainstream comedy, You, Me And Dupree is a surrealist classic. Scenes follow one upon another in seemingly random order. Major plots points are introduced and dropped as if they never happened. Characters become obsessed with irrelevant issues. And all the dialogue has nothing to do with the characters or action.

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly: Comedy based on humiliation and disgust can work, but you have to watch out. You can have a sweetness behind it (good) or go all the way but mock yourself (bad). However, when you make fun of relatively decent people, ultimately, it's not pleasant to watch. That's why, even though laughed a lot, I can't say I liked Borat.

It's Magic: Two period pieces about magicians came out around the same time, The Illusionist and The Prestige. I liked them both, though not enough for the top ten. The Illusionist has a smaller but better story. The Prestige has great design and some interesting twists, but goes too far, getting a bit ridiculous, which is why I think The Illusionist probably works better.

Best Title: Inland Empire. It's an area out here in Southern California, but also a wonderfully evocative title, better than Chinatown. Too bad David Lynch's latest is twice as long as Eraserhead and not half a good.

No Motown Award: On Broadway, Dreamgirls was saved by Michael Bennett's brilliant staging. Without it, you've got a cliched plot and forgettable songs. In other words, the movie. (Someday, someone should make a film about the actual Motown--now that's a story.)

Admired, Not Loved: There's a lot to admire about Children Of Men. A good sf premise, a well-imagined dsytopia, and wonderfully shot action sequences. But it left me cold. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe because an interesting start devolved into a simple chase where the main couple kept escaping just in time, sometimes by luck. Maybe because the characters didn't have much depth. Maybe because the whole point of the mission was unclear, and it didn't seem that people were taking the birth of a child in a childless world seriously enough.

The Phrynichus Award: Phrynichus was an ancient Greek playwright who moved the Athenian audience to tears when he wrote about a conquest by the Persians. For reminding people of recent misfortune, he was fined, and it was declared no play would ever again be allowed on such a subject. I'm not in favor of banning movies about 9/11, but I'm not quite sure how to react. United 93 was expertly done, and is, as far as I can tell, a faithful representation of what happened that day. But am I reacting so strongly because of the film, or because I'm reminded of what really happened? I can't separate the two, so I don't know how to judge it.

Charlie Kafuman Lite Award: I have enough trouble with Charlie Kaufman's stuff, so when someone does what feels like a bad imitation--Zach Helm's Stranger Than Fiction--what's the point?

Gonna Fly Now Nostalgia Award: Rocky Balboa. A mess of a film, with a ridiculous ending where a 60-year old man takes on a heavyweight in his prime. Don't forget, the first Rocky film 30 years ago (!) was about a guy who was already over the hill. Yet, away from the fighting, Stallone reminded us for the first time since, well, Rocky, why we once liked him so much.

Bait And Switch Award: Happy Feet. It promised to be a fun film about penguins singing and dancing up a storm. Instead, it's a depressing tale about overfishing.

CATEGORIES

Maybe Comedy Isn't Your Field: The Pacifier

Maybe Comedy Is Your Field: Matador

Maybe Comedy Mixed With Large Dollops Of Drama Isn't Your Field: Click

Good Spoof: Scary Movie 4

Bad Spoof: Date Movie

Passable Cop Movie: 16 Blocks, Inside Man

Passable Action Movie: Mission Impossible III, X-Men: The Last Stand

I Don't Care What They Say, I Liked It: RV

At Least They Gave It A Shot: Lucky Number Slevin, Brick, Art School Confidential, Babel

Disappointments: Looking For Comedy In The Muslim World, Game 6, The Pink Panther, A Prairie Home Companion, The Da Vinci Code, Lady In The Water (a disaster and this from someone who sorta liked The Village), Half Nelson, Snakes On A Plane, School For Scoundrels, Employee Of The Month, The Departed (why people think so highly of this film is beyond me), Flags Of Our Fathers (Clint does it again), Apocalypto, The Pursuit Of Happyness, For Your Consideration, Dreamgirls, The Descent, Superman Returns, Miami Vice, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, The Good Shepherd, Children Of Men, Borat, Happy Feet, Stranger Than Fiction

Huge Disappointments Because I Was Expecting So Much: Inland Empire, Volver (not bad, but a weird mix of Mildred Pierce and Topper that never really takes off)

About What I Expected: Factotum, Night At The Museum, Precinct B13 (some decent action, but no Jackie Chan), The Break-Up, Over The Hedge, Cars, Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (I entered the theatre like a condemned man), The Illusionist, The Prestige, Harsh Times (starts out okay, but just like Training Day goes too far), Flushed Away (maybe the best animated film of the year, but must they continue to make stars out of vermin?)

Better Than Expected: Idiocracy, Talladega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby, Benchwarmers, Rocky Balboa, Casino Royale, Notes On A Scandal

Don't Know What To Say: United 93

BUBBLING UNDER THE TOP TEN

Tristram Shandy: They tried to film an unfilmable novel and almost pulled it off.

Thank You For Smoking: Well done satire.

The History Boys: Lines that work on stage don't play as well on screen, but there's still a lot here.

The Devil Wears Prada: The hypocritical Hollywood plot where the protagonist is involved in a nasty world for 90% of the film only to return to the boring straight and narrow at the end. But the nasty was so much fun that this relatively unassuming film because a huge worldwide hit.

Friends With Money: Maybe it doesn't aim that high, but it hits the mark.

TOP TEN (THE ORDER IN WHICH I SAW THEM)

Heart Of The Game: A documentary about girls' high school basketball that's better than Hoop Dreams.

Wordplay: Being a bit of a word freak, I thought this documentary took a subject that's fairly static--crossword puzzles--and made it come alive.

Clerks II: Kevin Smith isn't much of a director, and hit and miss as a writer. I thnk he managed to put it all together this time--the raw humor and the sweetness underneath.

Little Miss Sunshine: This film is feeling the Sideways backlash, where people question a diverting festival film that hits it big. But it's moves along, has some nice laughs, and, though it gets silly at points, has a finish that works.

Jackass Number Two: Why do we go to films? One reason is to take us places we haven't been. Well, as hard as some of it is to handle, Jackass Number Two succeeds at this goal better than any other film this year.

Infamous: The audience clearly wasn't in the mood for another film about the writing of In Cold Blood, but I liked it better than Capote. Some said it's less truthful, but who cares. It's more fun and still makes the same points. When I saw Philip Seymour Hoffman play Truman Capote, I saw an actor doing an impersonation. When I watched Toby Jones play the same role, I thought I was watching Truman Capote.

Little Children: I wasn't the biggest fan of Todd Field's In The Bedroom, so I was surprised at how much I liked this. Not much happens, but it captures a mood and holds it for most of the film.

The Queen: I put off seeing this film since I have no interest in the present-day monarchy. But this was able to successfully and sympathetically imagine what it feels like to be in an odd position--a living representative of tradition in a changing world.

Lunacy: I doubt too many have seen it, or even heard of it, but this is Jan Svankmajer's latest. A mixture of Poe and de Sade, the plot moves in directions that are hard to predict (even if the political metaphors are a bit obvious).

Pan's Labyrinth: Guillermo del Toro's mix of the brutal and the fantastic. On paper, it shouldn't work, but it's perhaps the most powerful film of the year.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Nicole Kidman's Flops

I've written before about "Walter Scott's Personality Parade." The bizarre, canned questions and the equally bizarre answers hold a fascination for me.

I've discovered someone else with the same obsession, screenwriter John August. On his blog, in fact, he goes so far as to answer the questions himself.

Today's column has an interesting question about Nicole Kidman--she's been in a bunch of flops lately, so why is she getting $16 million for her latest film? Scott's answer is she had a hit in 2001 with the horror film The Others, and so everyone figures she's worth the loot in a remake of Invasion Of The Body Snatchers

There's some truth to this, but Scott doesn't explain why she's been making this kind of money for her last few films. He would have done better to question the "flop" characterization.

The Hours (2002) was a well-respected film that probably made a small proift and, by the way, won Kidman an Oscar for Best Actress.

Dogville (2003) was a well-received, low-budget art film.

Cold Mountain (2003) was a big-budget, high-profile film that grossed $173 million worldwide.

The Stepford Wives (2004) was a big-budget movie that grossed $60 million domestic. A disappointment, but flop is a bit strong.

The Interpreter (2005) was a big-budget thriller that grossed $150 million worldwide.

Bewitched (2005) was a big-budget comedy that grossed over $60 million domestic, another disappointment that I wouldn't quite call a flop.

Happy Feet (2006), for which she provided her voice, has grossed $355 million worldwide.

Sure, she's also been in straight-out flops since 2001--The Human Stain, Birth and Fur--but the point is the public still likes her. Stepford and Bewitched both opened well, and only failed because they were so awful.

In other words, she's a star. What she needs is a good film.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Alrighty, Then

I realize a nominaton for a Nobel Peace Prize and fifty cents will get you a ride on the bus. Still, what's up with Al Gore's nomination?

As a Norwegian (the prize is awarded in Oslo) legislator put it, "a prerequisite for winning the Nobel Peace Prize is making a difference, and Al Gore has made a difference."

Okay. And isn't another prerequisite doing something that relates to..oh, I don't know..peace?

Friday, February 02, 2007

Pore Live

I missed Wednesday's American Idol, but I heard about Sherman Pore, this old guy who charmed the judges.

Believe it or not, I met him yesterday. I even heard him sing a bit of "Fly Me To The Moon." I also heard him talking on his cell phone, listing his appearances. He's done at least ten different TV spots by now.

I don't know if his celebrity will last, but it's nice to know he had his moment in the sun.

Heroes And Villains

The latest issue of Entertainment Weekly has a piece about the top villains on TV today. They have most of the usual suspects--for instance, Vanessa Williams' Wilhelmina Slater on Ugly Betty.

One pick was Sylar from Heroes. I suppose that makes sense--if the show has a villain, it's him. Yet the show is new and it's not always clear who the good or bad guys are. (By the way, on the latest episode, the cop revealed to his wife he can read minds, and she was charmed. Wouldn't the correct reaction be horror?)

That's part of the excitement of a new show. You're not sure where things stand. I remember attending a Lost tribute a few years back. One of the producers asked if people thought Locke (my favorite character) was a good guy. About half raised their hands, including actor Ian Somerhalder, who plays Boone, a character who perhaps trusts Locke too much. It now makes me wonder if the producers knew.

The oddest choice on the list was James Callis as Gaius Baltar (my favorite character) on Battlestar Galactica. Sure, he (unwittingly) betrayed the entire human race, but I've never seen him as the villain. He's just a very troubled, brilliant and perhaps mentally ill scientist. (Imagine Dr. Smith if Lost In Space tried to be realistic.) If there are any villains--and the producers would probably say there aren't--it'd be the Cylons, but everyone is flawed in this show. Baltar's done a lot of foolish things, and mostly looks out for himself, but he's done some noble things too, and is the only human who's comes close to understanding the Cylons.

I got your database right here

I emailed this story to myself. I wonder where that puts me in the database? Anywhere near the "naked Harry Potter" section?

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Can't we all just be Reason-able?

My six year old nephew, little libertarian that he is, has subscribed me to Reason Magazine. The first one arrived today with the teaser, "Who owns your body parts?"

Walter Williams has a great story about this, about his daughter being asked, upon his death, if she'd like to donate his kidneys:
"WHAT!? Are you crazy? My daddy came into this world with the kidneys God gave him and damn sure he's going to go out that way, too."
"We'll give you $5,000 for them."
"Would you like his eyes, too?"

Or, if that doesn't tickle you, Drudge is running this teaser, "Chinese Army harvesting body parts."

Riding the storm out

"In my own experience, you just have to be prepared to ride with the storm."

Yes, you can't buy this kind of experience.

I Don't Heart Huckabee or What Makes Mikey Run

Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee has thrown his hat into the presidential ring. So far I'm not impressed. Here's the statement with which he launched his run:
One of the reasons that I'm running for president is because I think that America needs folks who understand what it is to start at the bottom of the ladder and climb their way to the top. We've got a lot of people who are born on third base and think they've hit a triple. America loves an underdog. America loves people who have had to struggle and for whom every rung of the ladder has been sometimes three rungs up and two back down, Thank God for the one you've gained, and keep climbing.
I see, he's running because his story tests well.

I do love an underdog--in sports and movies. What I like in politicians are advocates for useful, well thought out programs. I really don't care about your original circumstances. You're a hired hand, and running a government isn't really a rags to riches sort of thing. It's about public policy, not personal struggles--save it for your memoirs.

A little more content, please, and less cheap populism (is there any other kind?).

(At least content-free speeches are better than Hillary's recent "I've done a few good things in the past and I completely disavow them.")

web page hit counter