Great Scott

My favorite televangelist, Dr. Gene Scott--no one is in second place--died yesterday. Based in Los Angeles, known worldwide, his show was more entertaining than most other programming. I first heard him when I visited here in the 80s and have been a fan ever since.

He would sit there, wearing a cowboy hat, smoking a cigar and, if necessary, glowering at the audience until they paid attention. You never knew what the subject of the day's sermon would be. Sometimes it was the Bible, but Scott was just as likely to spend an hour ranting about the FCC or the NLRA or some other governmental body. If he sensed his live audience was drifting, he'd say "am I boring you?" and they'd shout back "No, sir!"

He had a band that played great songs, like "Kill Some Pissants For Jesus" and "Go To Hell Ugly." He'd unlocked the secrets of the Bible and mocked other religious leaders who thought they knew better with all their petty rules. His attitude was you could drink and swear and even fornicate, as long as you got the big things right. And the most important rule by far was tithing--nothing guaranteed you a spot in heaven faster than sending money to Dr. Scott.

Scott was a rich man who wasn't afraid to flaunt his wealth. When he got tired of talking, for instance, he'd show footage of his horses.

He preferred a smart atheist to a dumb Christian. He even said when he got to heaven, he might sneak a few non-believers in for company. Now's your chance, Dr. Scott. Good luck.