Only Critics Left Awake

Okay, I've got to stop reading Rex Reed. He can't follow the most basic plots. I checked out his review of the latest Jim Jarmusch film, Only Lovers Left Alive, and the mistakes keep piling up.  And Jarmusch doesn't come at you too fast, so there's plenty of time to notice what's happening.

From the first paragraph:

He is Adam, a reclusive rock star who lives in a derelict mansion in Detroit surrounded by thousands of dusty old Motown records.

Okay, it's a minor error, but the records are from all over, not just Motown.  Another small error, but still annoying, is when Reed claims Adam pretends to be a "Dr. Faustus" when the film goes out of its way to show you he's Dr. Faust.

Then there's this curious claim:

Yes, they’re still around, along with Byron, Shelley, Kepler, Darwin and Copernicus—some of whom make guest appearances—some older and wiser than others.

Maybe I missed something, but I don't recall any such guest appearances. These names are mentioned, and some appear framed on the wall--could that be what Rex means?

Next we get this:

After a long nap, the lovers languish about in post-coital bliss sipping plasma provided by Adam’s assistant and rock fan, Ian (the always excellent Anton Yelchin), who polishes the plasma decanters

Huh?  Ian gets stuff for Adam, but he has no idea that the guy he works for is a vampire.  That's a not insignificant part of the plot, so how would Reed thinks he supplies plasma?

Just one more example:

For fun, they tour the ruins of the Motown Museum and the abandoned Ford Motors plant

They talk about the Motown Museum, but don't take the tour (and it's not in ruins), and I'm pretty sure they saw the abandoned Packard plant.

I don't ask a lot of critics, but they should at least stay awake at screenings.