The Warren Submission

Submitted for your approval: at the National Journal they list Elizabeth Warren's eleven commandments of progressivism:

1. "We believe that Wall Street needs stronger rules and tougher enforcement, and we're willing to fight for it."

We certainly need regulation, but we've already got a mountain's worth.  It's just never enough for some people.   Of course, the bigger companies tend to love it--makes it tougher for the smaller guys to compete.  And every bit of regulation allows for people who know how to navigate the system a chance to make money without necessarily doing any hard work or anything of worth to society.

2. "We believe in science, and that means that we have a responsibility to protect this Earth."

Vague, yet manages to be a non sequitur.

3. "We believe that the Internet shouldn't be rigged to benefit big corporations, and that means real net neutrality."

I wish she'd said it shouldn't be rigged for anyone, but based on the other commandments, she seems to think the government's entire job is to do nothing but rig the system in her preferred direction.

4. "We believe that no one should work full-time and still live in poverty, and that means raising the minimum wage."*

Sure, raising the minimum wage will mean the high rates of unemployment among young people getting their first stepping stone into the world of work will grow even higher, especially in the inner cities, but that's a small price to pay for a principle.  It'll mean that poorer people will have more trouble buying things they enjoy, but that's a small price to pay for principle. It'll mean businesses barely hanging on--and there are a lot of those--will have it tougher, but that's a small price to pay for principle.

And what a principle.  This means if I work for a year on a screenplay, I get paid for it.  If I spend 90 hours a week building a business for ten years that ultimately fails, the government should pay me a ton of money. Heck, if I dig a hole four hours a day and fill it four hours a day, I get fifteen buck an hour.  Sign me up.

5.  "We believe that fast-food workers deserve a livable wage, and that means that when they take to the picket line, we are proud to fight alongside them."

These commandments are getting pretty specific.

6.  "We believe that students are entitled to get an education without being crushed by debt."

I agree.  We need to force professors to teach for very little and not allow them to retire.  But at least they'll have something to do.  The administrators we'll just have to fire.

7.  "We believe that after a lifetime of work, people are entitled to retire with dignity, and that means protecting Social Security, Medicare, and pensions."

And if that breaks us, we'll just print more money.  We'll also pass a law saying if you're tied to a rock and tossed in the ocean you're not allowed to drown.

8.  "We believe—I can't believe I have to say this in 2014—we believe in equal pay for equal work."

She doesn't need to say it. It's the law, and anyone can sue for such illegal discrimination.  Why do I get the feeling she's talking about something else?

9.  "We believe that equal means equal, and that's true in marriage, it's true in the workplace, it's true in all of America."

Not entirely sure if I get this. So inside a marriage the man and woman are equal?  How can the government enforce that? (I know, she'll find a way.)

Or is she talking about same-sex marriage?  Would she include marriage to more than one person?  I support that so I'm happy to finally agree with Warren.

And at work am I equal to my boss? I already felt that, but I didn't realize government needed to get involved.

10.  "We believe that immigration has made this country strong and vibrant, and that means reform."

So vague as to be meaningless.

11.   "And we believe that corporations are not people, that women have a right to their bodies. We will overturn Hobby Lobby and we will fight for it. We will fight for it!"

And I thought #5 was specific. Who would have guessed a tenet of progressivism deals with overturning a case from last month?

But she makes a good point.  Women have a right to their own bodies, which means companies have to pay for their birth control.  Is this the same logic that requires men to pay for their drinks?

Hey, I think we've found our next President.

Bonus tenet:  And the main tenet of conservatives' philosophy, according to Warren? "I got mine. The rest of you are on your own."

As opposed to her philosophy: I got mine and I got yours.

*I assume she's not including her unpaid interns.