Be Careful What You Wish For

From an Ain't It Cool News talkback:

alternate Lost episodes 6.1 & 6.2

by VikkiMarsdale Apr 14th, 2010

08:24:08 PM

Half of the losties are at the Foot statue learning that Jacob is dead and Locke is dead and being impersonated by the Smoke Monster. The other half of the Losties make their way to a Dharma station. The Foot group makes their way to the Temple and are united with the last remaining group of Others.

At the Temple Dogen, Mib, Ghost Christian, Richard and Ben explain everything they know about the statue, the black rock, the whispers, the Others, the smoke monster, the MIB and his relation to Jacob, the existence of ghosts, why Richard doesn't age, the cabin, lighthouse, well, cave and frozen donkey wheel, and Charles Widmore's history with and interest in the Island.

Meanwhile the group at the Dharma station find another tape narrated by Pierre Chang (using the name Jean-Luis Beeswick) which explains everything about The Dharma Initiative, the electromagnetic properties and the pockets of strange energy, the Incident, the "sonar fencing" and how it effectively restrains the smoke monster, what their concept of Smokey is, why the island can only be found by sailing to exact settings, how they found it and can travel to it, how the plane that makes the food drops finds it, the film clip with the duplicate bunnies, their theories about The Others, and time travel.

The two groups merge and continue an open exchange of information, the Others clear up the Dharma groups misconceptions about them, more questions are asked and freely answered in a non-evasive manner, all mysteries are resolved, Smokey admits to being the Hurley Bird, Dave and the medusa spiders.

The Smoke Monster, in the form of nonLocke, freely admits to being evil and wanting to escape the island in order to wreak havoc on the world. He is attacked from behind with a high powered taser and bound with electrified wiring, then placed in an airtight stone cell in the temple and the doorway is sealed up permanently.

A party at the old campsite at the beach ensues with all participants celebrating a new era of co-dependence and co-operation, then a dogs bark is heard and Vincent arrives, followed by Rose and Bernard who admit to having felt lonely after living in the jungle alone for three years.

At no point in this two hour episode - or any subsequent episode - is the existence of a divergent reality stream in which Flight 815 never crashed mentioned, let alone acknowledged.

Then episodes 6.3-6.16 consist of the Losties and the Others having picnics, fishing, hunting, getting to know each other, occasionally answering additional minor trivia questions that fans have sent in via e-mail or posted online, and saying things like "I always thought... I wondered about... I'm glad we cleared that up."

By episode 6.7 the ratings have fallen so low that ABC renegs on their end date deal and cancels the series. the final au-aired episodes are burned off over the summer on the ABC Family channel.

And hundred of online Lost discussion board posters all complain "well, yeah, that's exactly what I was saying I wanted, I just didn't realize how badly it would suck."

[poo-freaking-oom] LOST bichess.