BB Back

Bush is back. Billy Bush, that is.  He's given his first big interview since being banished from NBC seven months ago.

In it, I discovered he's got three daughters, 12, 16 and 18.  That made me feel for him.

What's he been doing since he left TV?

[He's] engaged in a lot of soul searching, a process that includes time walking on fiery coals with spiritual guru Tony Robbins and a stint at a Napa Valley healing retreat.  He took up yoga and meditation, developed a boxing routine and read books like 10% Happier, written by ABC News anchor and buddy Dan Harris.

That did not make me feel more sympathetic.

That retreat was The Hoffman Institute.  He plans to return to TV and utilize what they taught him.

One thing I learned at The Hoffman Process is that I've always relied on my charm and my quick wit and all that, but I've kept my depth in the shadows.

I decided to go back to the original transcript of Bush and Trump to see what was really said.  I never read the whole thing before, and I doubt many have. (As you might guess, Not Entirely Safe For Work.)

The setting, remember, is a bus.  Donald Trump is preparing to appear on Days Of Our Lives.  It's 2005 and he's recently gotten hitched to Melania, following five and a half years of unmarried life.

It starts with Trump describing how he tried to score with some woman who is not identified (I don't believe):

Trump: "I moved on her actually. You know she was down on Palm Beach. I moved on her, and I failed. I'll admit it. I did try and fuck her, she was married."

Unknown [Bush?]: "That's huge news there."

Trump: "No, no, Nancy. No this was [inaudible] and I moved on her very heavily in fact I took her out furniture shopping. She wanted to get some furniture. I said I'll show you where they have some nice furniture. I moved on her like a bitch. I couldn't get there and she was married. Then all-of-a-sudden I see her, she's now got the big phony tits and everything. She's totally changed her look."

Then (I think) they see Arianne Zucker approaching.  She's the woman Trump will be appearing with on the show.

Bush: "Yes. The Donald has scored. Whoah my man."

Trump: "Look at you. You are a pussy."

Bush: "You gotta get the thumbs up."

Trump: "Maybe it's a different one."

Bush: "It better not be the publicist. No, it's, it's her."

Trump: "Yeah that's her with the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know I'm automatically attracted to beautiful... I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star they let you do it. You can do anything."

Bush: "Whatever you want."

Trump: "Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything."

Bush: "Yeah those legs. All I can see is the legs."

Trump: "It looks good."

Bush: "Come on shorty."

Trump: "Oh nice legs huh."

Bush: "Get out of the way honey. Oh that's good legs. Go ahead."

Trump: "It's always good if you don't fall out of the bus. Like Ford, Gerald Ford, remember?"

They get off the bus and here's how he acts when he meets an actual woman.

Trump: "Hello, how are you? Hi."

Zucker: "Hi Mr. Trump. How are you?"

Trump: "Nice seeing you. Terrific. Terrific. You know Billy Bush?"

Bush: "Hello nice to see you. How are you doing Arianne?"

Zucker: "I'm doing very well thank you. [Addressing Trump] Are you ready to be a soap star?"

Trump: "We're ready. Let's go. Make me a soap star."

Bush: "How about a little hug for the Donald, he's just off the bus?"

Zucker: "Would you like a little hug darling?"

Trump: "Absolutely. Melania said this was okay."

Bush: "How about a little hug for the Bushy, I just got off the bus? Here we go, here we go. Excellent."

And they continue walking and talking.