Ha Ha

Today is National Tell An Old Joke Day.  Most jokes are old jokes, so that shouldn't be too hard.

Though telling jokes at all seems a weird thing to do in this post-modern age.  Let me get this straight--you're going to tell me a fake story with the purpose of eliciting a laugh?  Why would anyone want to do that?

But I like old jokes.  Some are so old, we just know the punch lines and have practically forgotten there was a time when they were new and no one knew what was coming.

For instance, someone had to come up with

"Who was the lady I saw you with last night?" "That was no lady, that was my wife."

Or how about

"I'd like to buy some talcum powder". "Walk this way." "If I could walk that way I wouldn't need the talcum powder."

Maybe the ultimate fount of old jokes is Henny Youngman. (Young man, old jokes.)  So here are some of my favorites.  (I'll try to pick ones that aren't considered sexist, though that removes a lot of the best material.)

The food on the plane was fit for a king--"here, King!"

A doctor held a stethoscope to a man's chest.  The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me."

Getting on a plane I told them "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles and one to Miami."  They said "We can't do that!" I said "You did it last week!"

And let's end with one of the best joke men of the past fifty years, Rodney Dangerfield.

A girl phoned me and said  "Come on over.  There's nobody home."  I went over.  Nobody was home!

I told my doctor "Every morning when I get up I look in the mirror and feel like throwing up.  What's wrong with me?"  He said "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

My wife has cut me down to once a month.  I'm lucky--I know two guys she cut off completely.