Why I'm not Scrappleface

The U.S. Senate today exhumed the body of Sen. William E. Borah, R-Idaho, to flail at his corpse with canes.

Sen. Joseph Biden said the exhumation and caning was meant to demonstrate the august deliberative body's contrition for its failure to pass anti-lynching laws at the turn of the 20th century.

"We tried the apology thing, but it just didn't feel like it was enough," Biden said. "No matter how much we blamed other people we don't even know, so that we could get some o' that good TV lovin' we love so much, it just didn't feel sincere.

"So we thought to ourselves, 'Maybe it's because we didn't have anything to do what those clowns who served here 100 years ago were doing'."

That's when Sen. Joe Lieberman suggested digging up Borah, Biden said.

"We don't reawwy know whether Sen. Borah fiwwibustered the wwynching wwaws," Lieberman said. "But that's not reawwy the point. The point is, we're reawwy, reawwy sorry for what that fat bastard did."