There Goes Reviewin' Simon

The New York Times has Paul Simon review Finishing The Hat, Stephen Sondheim's collected lyrics, featuring Sondheim's commentary. (No doubt I'll be writing about it soon.) I suppose someone figured "Why not get the smartest pop songwriter to review the smartest Broadway songwriter?" Not a good idea.

First, it feels like a stunt.  I'm always leery when a big name in a field reviews a book by or about another big name.  It's one thing to hear such a person's opinion, it's another to have him do something outside his specialty, such as write a review. (I make an exception for writers reviewing other writers.)

Worse, far worse, the two don't really match up.  Simon may be a geat songsmith, but he's really operating in a different medium.  Simon writes songs that are complete in themselves, often full of poetic evocation.  Sondheim writes songs for characters in particular situations, meant to operate within a dramatic context, and for all his wordplay and deep vocabulary, tries to keep the language simple.  Sondheim believes fervently in proper rhyming and scanning, while Simon, as literate as he may be for pop, regularly breaks rules in ways that would leave Sondheim aghast if he heard such lines in a show.  And Sondheim is accused, with some justification, of being cold--brilliant, but cold.  He approaches lyrics the way others approach a crossword puzzle.  Simon, if maybe not quite so "warm" as a lot of rock composers, still works in a style where feeling rules above all.

So if they're going to get a name to do the review, why not pick one of the many (unemployed) Broadway lyricists available?

By the way, Simon likes the book.  Was he really going to say anything else?

Here's one of my favorite Sondheim songs, "Pretty Little Picture." (I got to perform it in front of an audience years ago.) It's unimaginable Paul Simon could write anything like it.  I was pleased to discover it's one of Sondheim's favorites, even if he believes the song doesn't work as a dramatic moment.  Here are two high school productions to choose from.  The first is more imaginatively staged, while in the second the lead at least tries to hit the notes.





For reference, here are the words:

[PSEUDOLUS]
In the Tiber there sits a boat,
Gently dipping its bow,
Trim and tidy and built to float.
Pretty little picture?
Now:
Put a boy on the starboard side,
Leaning out of the rail.
Next to him put a blushing bride,
Slim and slender and starry-eyed,
Down below put a tiny bed.
The sun gets pale,
The sea gets red,
And off they sail
On the first high tide:
The boat and the bed and the boy and the bride.

It's a pretty little picture, oh my!
Pretty little picture, how true!
Pretty little picture, which I,
Pseudo-little-us, give to you!

Feel the roll of the playful waves,
See the sails as they swell,
Hear the whips on the galley slaves.
Pretty little picture?
Well:
Let it carry your cares away,
Out of sight, out of mind,
Past the buoy and through the bay,
Soon there's nothing but sea and spray.
Night descends and the moon's aglow--
Your arms entwined,
You steal below,
And far behind,
At the edge of day,
The bong of the bell of the buoy in the bay,
And the boy and the bride and the boat are away.

It's a pretty little picture to share
As your little boat sails to sea.
Take a little trip free as air--
Have a little freedom on me!

[HERO & PHILIA]
No worries, no bothers,
No captains, no fathers...

[PSEUDOLUS]
In the ocean an island waits,
Smooth and sandy and pink,
Filled with lemons and nuts and dates.
Pretty little picture?
Think:
In a cottage of cypress trees,
Seashells dotting the door,
Boy and bride live a life of ease--
Doing nothing but what they please.
And every night when the stars appear,
There's nothing more
To see or hear,
Just the shore
Where the lovers lie--
The sand and the sea and the stars and the sky--
And the sound of a soft little satisfied sigh.

[PSEUDOLUS, HERO & PHILIA]
All your/our petty little problems will cease,
And your/our little blessings will flow,
And your/our little family increase--
Pretty little picture?

[PSEUDOLUS]
No, no!

[PSEUDOLUS, HERO & PHILIA]
Pretty little masterpiece!
Pretty little picture.