When Dragons Attack

I thought last week's episode of Game Of Thrones, "The Last Of The Starks," was the best of the season.  I hoped it would lead into a great final two episodes.  But after seeing the fifth episode, "The Bells," it looks like they're on the wrong track again, and it's almost certain this season will be the weakest.

We start with Varys writing a note, presumably meant to be spread by raven, about who should be truly be in line for the Iron Throne.  Last episode he made it clear it was the time to back Jon, but is he really being this obvious, and so soon?  One of his little birds walks in to give him info on the Queen, who's been refusing food since Missandei died.  Is Varys still playing these kinds of games with informants--wasn't it time for something different with the Mother of Dragons?

Actually, he's even dumber than that.  Jon lands at Dragonstone and right away Varys starts talking treason.  The reason the Spider and Littlefinger lasted as long as they did during the trickiest situations is they knew how to be subtle, but when you've got to end a huge series, I guess there's no time for that.  I figured maybe Varys would see how the war goes first and then make his move. Is now the time?  Especially when you can't win the war without Dany's Dragon. Predictably, pure-hearted Jon will have none of it.

Next thing you know, Tyrion goes into Dany's chamber.  Dany's already sussed it out--Jon told Sansa who told the Imp who told the Spider--a whole game of telephone.  Tyrion admits to it.  Why would he do that?  Isn't that asking for trouble.  Amazingly, he's there to snitch on Varys.  Is now the time?  Once again, let's win the battle first and then we can deal with this guy who, after all, can only whisper.  Dany--though she ultimately blames Jon for talking (and is right--she told him what would happen and it did)--decides to execute Varys.

I didn't expect it to happen so soon, but then I didn't expect Varys to play it so stupidly.  He's brought out onto the shore by torchlight and Dany has Drogon roast him.  Everyone's standing really close to Varys, so I'm surprised the dragon is able to control the burn area that well.

Varys was out of character, but almost everyone seemed unseasonably stupid in this episode, as we'll see.  Dany was also murderously angry, but they've been setting that up all season, so it was no surprise.  And, as I'll note later, her point of view isn't that crazy.

The reason everyone seems so stupid is the producers haven't earned it.  The characters tell us certain things that don't really make sense, but because a character says it, we're supposed to accept it.  At least starting last season, where a whole bunch of characters figured going up north in a dangerous expedition to bring back a zombie would impress Cersei, major characters have been making ridiculous choices.

Dany goes back to plotting her war, now that Jon's forces have made it.  Jon comes in and says she's still his queen, but she explains that the people of Westeros love him, not her.  So if she can't get love, guess she'll have to live with just fear.  They're really going all out on this Mad Queen pivot.

Tyrion comes in and once again bangs the drum about how she can't be killing all those innocents in King's Landing to get to Cersei.  It doesn't matter how many times the writers tell us, we don't care about this, and find it hard to believe anyone would.  Dany has already given Cersei more than one chance, and every time gets her offer flung back in her face.  And while we're at it, Dany sacrificed more than half of what she had to save humanity before turning back to King's Landing.  What more is she expected to do if Cersei chooses to hide behind innocent people? (I also don't get the logistics--can't she just fly in her dragon to Cersei's castle, over the soldiers and the innocents?) Even if we know it's wrong, we don't feel it.  It wasn't that long ago Cersei killed a whole lot more people to take over King's Landing, and while we knew what she did was wrong, we didn't feel those deaths one-one-hundredth as much as the death of Shireen burned at the stake.

Dany also mentions Jaime was captured trying to cross their lines. Why, exactly?  Didn't he fight with them against the Night King?  Let him do what he wants.  Even if he wanted to help Cersei, what could he do?

That night, the troops are gathered outside King's Landing, ready to attack at dawn.  Arya and The Hound have made it, by the way.  Tyrion goes in to talk to his brother, who's chained.  Jaime spent most of an early season chained in a northern army camp, so he's used to it.  Jaime, by the way, was captured because he showed his golden hand.  Huh?  Even if they care who he is, wouldn't they recognize the Kingslayer (or not care about a golden hand)?  Cersei always said he was the stupidest Lannister, but in this episode the three siblings will fight for that honor.

Tyrion insists King's Landing will fall tomorrow.  He is insanely confident about this, considering everything we've seen this season suggests Dany will lose.  Her people are tired and beaten while Cersei's people are strong and her ground is well-defended.  Literally the only thing Dany's got going is her dragon, and since she's lost two already, and Cersei's forces are armed and know how to kill dragons, it seems like a longshot Drogon will survive.  In other words, Tyrion's speech is the writers saying "forget everything you know, forget everything we've shown--we want you to pretend, so the plot can move forward, that Dany will easily destroy King's Landing." This is the kind of stuff that makes you want to give up--are they even trying any more?

Tyrion unlocks Jaime--it wasn't that long ago Jaime broke Tyrion out of a cell to save him--and the dwarf has a bizarre plan that his brother can go up a secret passage and spirit away Cersei, smuggling her off to Pentos where they'll live happily and secretly (just don't show anyone your damn golden hand).  Just get her to ring the bells, open the gates and all will end without bloodshed.  Just to be clear, a couple days ago Cersei cut off Missandei's head rather than surrender, and what exactly has changed since then?

Morning, everyone's ready for war.  Now maybe this is better explained in the books, but the logistics are very confusing.  Where are all the regular folks?  They seem to be moving around, and they seem to be inside the gates, but then are locked outside the gates.  So there are gates to the city at large, and separate gates to the Red Keep, or something like that?  And why does it make a difference?  Where are we?  What's happening? (Where's Flea Bottom?) And why do Arya, The Hound and Jaime expect to have any sort of individual plan work in the midst of a huge battle?

The Golden Company stand in formation outside the gates (I think).  Euron is with his fleet. (Why? Will anyone be fighting on the water today?) Then in flies Dany.  Last week, Drogon was almost killed by the huge bolts shot at her by the scorpions, and barely got away.  This week, even though Cersei's forces would be as prepared as they'll ever be, Dany has decided she can't be struck anymore, so Drogon has no trouble swooping down and burning Euron's fleet.  Then she flies from behind the parapets and burns down the walls of King's Landing, especially attacking the scorpions.

At this point Dany's forces charge, though why?  Why should they fling themselves into a battle when indestructible Dany has all the firepower needed to kill anyone out there.  In fact, stay away from the King's Landing for an hour or two and only go in when it's time to mop up. Indeed, Dany and Drogon are so destructive I have to ask why she waited this long to take King's Landing.  There were all these arguments about what she needed to do first, but even if she had to destroy the Night King, she should have just said "listen, give me about two hours, I'll fly to King's Landing with my three dragons, take it, then I'll come back and we'll head up North to take care of business there."

Nevertheless, Dany's Army rushes into King's Landing while Cersei's forces are being burned en masse.  I hope they're wearing clearly marked and very different uniforms so Drogon can tell the difference.  Cersei watches the destruction from the Red Keep.  Qyburn comes in and explains the scorpions have all been destroyed (really, no hidden ones?  None at the Keep?), the Iron Fleet is gone (who told him that?), the gates are breeched, etc., but Cersei, vying for the most stupid Lannister, is insanely confident she can still pull it out.

Led by Jon, Grey Worm and Davos (why put a smuggler at the front line?), Dany's boys line up in front of a fearful group of Golden Company men, who toss their swords. (What do you expect from sellswords--their allegiance goes to the highest bidder.) They've seen the destruction and know it's over. The poor city folk run in fear.  The show does our best to make us feel for them, but isn't it a bit late in the series to build up that sympathy now?

People start shouting Ring Dem Bells.  Eventually someone starts ringing the bells, signaling surrender.  Hey, I thought that was Cersei's call, and I haven't seen her assent.  Anyway, Dany sits on Drogon and watches from on high.  She's won.  But she's gone all-out Targaryen and needs to wreak revenge, so she keeps slaughtering all the helpless people and destroying all the buildings, including the Red Keep.

We're supposed to disapprove, and I guess we do, but it's not entirely insane. Or, at least, we can see how she was driven to this.  She came ashore a while ago, ready to conquer. Instead, her advisors suggested she take it easy and concentrate on the fight in the North. She did as she was told, losing over half of everything she had, including many of her closest friends and two dragons.  And after she did all that, most of her allies treated her like dirt, working against her.  For that matter, Cersei, who was given more than one chance, gave Dany the finger.  Maybe it is time to make examples of a lot of people to show them who's boss.  We're supposed to think Dany should show mercy, but she can't count on anyone right now, so being soft may not work as a strategy for her.

Of course, she's pissing off everyone (except maybe Grey Worm, who's as mad as Dany).  Jon Snow, her most faithful ally, is seeing the destruction at ground level.  So is Arya.

Now Jaime is at the shore, near the tunnel entrance to the city. (He was in the city earlier for reasons that are unclear--whatever he thought he'd do, it didn't work). And who should be there but Euron, whom we thought perished in dragonfire.  The last person we want to see is Euron.  No one likes him and no one cares about him.  If Jaime is going to die, he can't die like a punk at Euron's hand.  Of course, the old Jaime would have made mincemeat out of him, but the left-handed Jaime has to struggle.  He ultimately dispatches Euron, but not before receiving two--count 'em, two--wounds that would be mortal for any character without plot armor.

Back at the Red Keep, Qyburn enters Cersei's watching room.  He says the funniest line of the night: "Your Grace, it isn't safe here any longer." You think so?  Cersei responds with a line almost as humorous: "The Red Keep is the safest place in the city." For the last ten minutes, she's seen Dany destroying large portions of her city at will, with no weapons to stop her, and, if Dany chooses, she can have Drogon burn down the Red Keep in under a minute, so Cersei, once again, displays that unearned Lannister confidence.

Anyway, Cersei finally decides to go down to the Holdfast because a basement seems safer--though if the whole place collapses, you'd think the best place to hang out would be as far away as possible.

Now we're back to Arya and The Hound, crawling from the wreckage, walking through the castle's map room.  You think they'd hightail it out of there, but they've both got a mission (that you might think has been superseded by Dany's decision to destroy everyone and everything around them).

They stop for a second and have the best scene of the show.  He tells her to leave--Cersei will be gone soon enough, she's lost.  Meanwhile, all he cares about is getting back at his brother.  She can be better than that.  He'll die, but she should leave and live and do more with her life. (By the way, she's supposed to be a bad ass, but here she seems like the old vulnerable Arya.)  She calls him Sandor--a great moment--and thanks him.  She goes while the getting is good, but Sandor's got a ticket to Clegane Bowl.

We've been waiting for years to see this, but it ends up being pretty pointless.  For one thing, Cersei has lost the war, so who cares what the Mountain does at this point, he's done.  Second, it's not really Gregor, it's zombie Gregor, which doesn't quite count.  Third, he'll probably be crushed by falling debris (along with Sandor) before their fight is over.  She why bother?

Zombie Mountain has enough Gregor in him to fight his brother, ignoring Cersei's demands, and flinging away Qyburn, killing him.  Cersei decides to run along and the two brothers fight it out, though what is dead may never die, thus Zombie Mountain can take whatever you stab at him.  Finally, after it seems hopeless, The Hound rushes him and they plummet down to their presumed deaths--though if they just stuck around on the same spot and not moved, the same thing probably would have happened.

Cersei meets up with--surprise--Jaime in the map room (sounds like Clue).  They hope to escape, but all the routes below are blocked by debris.  She doesn't want to die (now she tells us) but there's nothing to be done. Assuming Tyrion has no kids, that's the end of the line.  They hug each other before the roof caves in.  I suppose this should be touching, but both made a whole bunch of stupid decisions to get to this point.

Arya runs through town, seeing scenes of destruction, just in case we didn't get the point that Dany is causing a lot of trouble.  Arya is knocked out.  Some time later comes the calm after the devastation.  Arya wakes up, finds a white horse (was this the horse she rode in on?) and rides away.

So a lot of deaths this week.  Let's see.  There was Varys, Jaime, Cersei, Qyburn, The Mountain, The Hound, Euron, most of the Golden Company and thousands of innocent citizens (and animals).  In fact, it's almost easier to list those still around.

Next week, the aftermath, which is also the finale.  Dany had to destroy the city to save the city. (Echoes of Harrenhal). She's queen now, and has an army of the unsullied headed by Grey Worm--who still likes her--not to mention Drogon.  On the other hand, you've got Tyrion, Jon Snow and Arya who all saw the devastation and are horrified.  And you've got the people up North, headed by Sansa, who don't like Dany to begin with.  Is this the beginning of Dany's reign, or the end?

Next week, the last recap of Game Of Thrones I will ever write.