Monday, June 25, 2018

Roseanne's Family

So it looks like the Roseanne show will be back on the air--without Roseanne. The working title is The Conners, and it'll be the same show, apparently, but missing its central figure.

There is precedent for this.  There was a sitcom known as Valerie--premiering just a few years before the original Roseanne--starring Valerie Harper.  Harper wanted more money and walked off the show when she didn't get it.  NBC killed off her character and called the show Valerie's Family.  Then they changed it to The Hogan Family.

The show was never a huge hit, but ran four years without Harper.  It did have a young Jason Bateman and, replacing Harper, Sandy Duncan.  Hey, maybe they'll revive it--if they could get half the ratings they got back then, it'd be a hit among today's chopped-up audience numbers.

I used to pitch at sitcoms, but haven't done so in years.  I wish I could pitch at The Conners, though, since I have a great idea for an episode.  It goes like this:

Darlene's daughter Harris brings home a boy she's dating to share dinner with the Conner family.  While they're having a conversation--actually, an argument--the boy drops a racial epithet.  A moment of silence, followed by a demand he leave the house, which he does.  They tell Harris this is unacceptable and she has to drop him.

But Harris goes on seeing him in secret.  It comes out, however, and they confront Harris, who explains he's fun to be around and he's actually pretty cool if they'd get to know him. They should try to be more understanding--after all, she's willing to tolerate them.  They explain she has to, they're family.  She tells them they can't tell her who to see anyway and runs out.

They wonder if they should go look for her, but figure they can wait her out.  She eventually returns, with boyfriend in tow.  He looks embarrassed.  He tells them he admits he's often done dumb things in the past, and expresses himself in stupid ways. But Harris explained how hurtful what he said can be, and he truly apologizes.

The family looks at each other.  Harris says don't ask me to start telling him all the stories I know about you.  Dan, head of the family (if there is one), finally speaks.  He's always believed in leading by example, and speaking the way the boy did is not the example he wants to set. But forgiving someone, when Dan knows he's far from perfect himself, would be a good example.  So they'll let the boy break bread with them...but he's on probation.

They sit down to dinner, and soon are in another heated argument.  The boyfriend is about to say something, and everyone shuts up to look at him.  He says pass the butter.  Get it yourself, says Darlene, and they continue eating and fighting.

If anyone knows someone who might be pitching at this show, I give them this idea for free.


Anonymous Eobard Thawne said...

I have a funny feeling that the Screenwriter's Guild is going to blacklist you for this one....

2:53 PM, June 24, 2018  
Blogger New England Guy said...

A very special episode of the Conners

5:02 PM, June 24, 2018  
Blogger brian said...

Free because it won't happen. (See Ann Althouse's comments on this.) People, especially people caught up in our current political maelstrom, say really stupid and mean things all the time. They are hurtful and divisive and guess what they are dividing us. I would not be the first person (on either side of whatever debate we are having at the moment) to suggest we all just chill out and be nice to each other. But the angry voices seem to be the ones that get responses. So that is the way we are going. I am sure LAGuy will remind us we have been through much worse before. But it feels like a pretty bad and awfully petty time.

6:00 PM, June 24, 2018  

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