Simonizing

When Neil Simon died earlier this year, I called him the best comedy writer of the 20th century.  I did note, however, that Lost In Yonkers (1991) was his last major play, and that his powers seemed diminished in his later work.

Still, trying to be a completist, I recently read Oscar And Felix: A New Look At The Odd Couple, Simon's update/rewrite of his most famous title.  And The Odd Couple had been central to his career, the work he kept returning to.

It was first presented on Broadway in 1965, and cemented his reputation as a hit-maker.  The play had serious third-act problems out of town, but Simon managed to solve them and, by all accounts, created (with the help of a great cast and director Mike Nichols) one of the funniest productions ever seen on Broadway.  And the story of finicky Felix Ungar moving in with sloppy Oscar Madison became iconic.

Simon then went on to write the screenplay for the 1968 movie version, which was a gigantic hit.  Next there was a TV series that ran for five years in the 1970s and forever in reruns--Simon had nothing to do with it, but it made the title even more firmly established in the public's mind.

In 1985, he wrote a new version of The Odd Couple with the sexes switched.  Starring Rita Moreno and Sally Struthers as Olive Madison and Florence Ungar, it ran the season on Broadway.  Still not done, in 1998 he wrote The Odd Couple II, a screenplay featuring the further adventures of Oscar and Felix.  So perhaps it's no surprise in the early 2000s, he updated his original.

Oscar And Felix was presented in Los Angeles in 2002, starring John Larroquette as the former and Joe Regalbutto as the latter.  The script was published in 2004.

It's not clear to me if Simon just intended to update the show so it was set in the present, or if he planned to do a major rewrite.  My guess is he thought he could just make a few changes, but once he got going, couldn't stop.  He was an inveterate rewriter. The new version, while it keeps the original story beat for beat, has, I'd estimate, 75% new dialogue.

I don't think any update was necessary.  The original was a contemporary piece that had turned into a period piece, but was still uproarious.  And cutting references to the Playboy Club and the automat, while adding cell phones and frequent flyer miles, doesn't do anything to make the piece funnier. (In the original, Felix sends a suicide telegram. In the update, it's a suicide email.)

There's also a structural change.  In the 1960s, Broadway plays generally had three acts, and now they usually have two.  Simon solves this by creating a first act out of what used to be the first act plus the first scene of the second act, and a second act out of what used to be the second scene of the second act plus the third act.  This is fine, though it does make the original change from act one to act two, where the set goes from slovenly to immaculate, harder to pull off without an intermission.

Much, much worse, though, is the original was hilarious, and in just about every instance, the replacement material is weaker.  Sometimes the new stuff is passable, but the 1965 version has some of the funniest dialogue ever written.  And it's kind of creepy when, in the middle of mediocre lines, you hear one of the original gags and remember how funny it was.

Actually, even the older lines don't work as well, since they're playing in a different context, with slightly different--duller--characters who have less connection.  I could pretty much take any page from the script to demonstrate how much weaker the new dialogue is.  But let's look at just a couple cases where the original classic material has been changed, to its detriment.

From the first act of the original, during the poker game:

Oscar:  Life goes on even for those of us who are divorced, broke and sloppy.  (Answers phone) Hello?  Divorced, Broke and Sloppy. Oh, hello sweetheart. (Becomes seductive. The others listen.)  I told you not to call me during the game. I can't talk to you now.  You know I do, darling.  All right, just a minute.  (He turns). Murray, it's your wife.

Murray:  I wish you were having an affair with her. Then she wouldn't bother me all the time.  (Into phone.)  Hello, Mimi, what's wrong?

Oscar: (Imitating Mimi) What time are you coming home?  (Imitating Murray) I don't know, about twelve, twelve-thirty.

Murray: (Into phone)  I don't know, about twelve, twelve-thirty.  Why, what do you want, Mimi?  "A corned beef sandwich and a strawberry malted."

Oscar:  Is she pregnant again?

Murray:  (Holds phone over chest) No, just fat.  (Into phone again)  What?  How could you hear that?  I had the phone over my chest.

This material, when done properly, gets explosive laughter (the dialogue above starts 38 seconds in):



Here's the updated version:

Oscar:  Oh, hello, sweetheart...I told you not to call me during the game...Yes, we're still on for tonight... about twelve thirty.

Vinnie:  Twelve.

Oscar: Wear the high school outfit...with the scotch plaid mini skirt....Alright...just a minute...Murray, it's your wife.

Murray:  (takes cell phone, holds hand over speaker)  You know how long I've been asking her to do that?  (Into phone)  Hi, Hon...How'd you hear that?  I had my hand over the phone...

Perhaps there's no reason to explain why the latter is weaker, but let me try.  The set up for "Murray, it's your wife" is made unnecessarily long so Simon can try two new jokes which aren't as good--a Vinnie callback, interrupting the flow, about how he has to leave early, and Murray talking about what he wants his wife to do.  Further, the new version has replaced Murray's better line about Oscar having an affair, and ends up making the gag about Mimi overhearing Murray much weaker.  Also, the imitation gag is gone.

Here's another example.  From the original second act, Oscar and Felix are waiting for their dates to arrive.  Felix is angry because Oscar is late and the London Broil he slaved over has dried out:

Felix:  What am I going to do?

Oscar:  I don't know. Keep pouring gravy on it.

Felix:  What gravy?

Oscar:  Don't you have any gravy? 

Felix:  Where the hell am I going to get gravy at eight o'clock?

Oscar: I thought it comes when you cook the meat.

Felix:  When you cook the meat?  You don't know the first think you're talking about.  You have to make gravy.  It doesn't come!

In the updated version, Felix has made Chicken Valencia for their dates, who are Spanish, as well as "alcachofa," which is Spanish for artichoke:

Felix:  Tell me what to do, Oscar.

Oscar:  Just keep pouring gravy on it.

Felix:  Gravy?  The gravy turned into ink at seven o'clock...Any more suggestions?

Oscar:  Can you make gravy out of alcachofa?

Felix:  I put the alcachofa in the freezer, I thought it was the humane thing to do.

Oscar:  Don't they sell gravy in one of those stores?

Felix:  What stores?

Oscar:  Gravy stores...What do I know?  I'm a sports writer.

Here, a very funny and character-based comic idea--Oscar figuring gravy just comes automatically, and Felix aghast at his ignorance--has been replaced by fairly ordinary gags about food problems.

On and on it goes, great material being replaced by lines without any zing. The only new stuff that sort of works is the scene where Oscar and Felix have their date with two Spanish sisters, instead of the English sisters in the original. (Actually, this scene isn't entirely new, since it's adapted from the same scene with two Spanish brothers in Simon's gender-switched 1980s version.) And even though this new scene is amusing, it's still not as good as the original, not just comically, but also dramatically--most of the new jokes are about the language barrier, where the previous scene told us more about the character of Felix as well as the sisters.

Which is the problem with the whole evening.  Less laughs, but also new material not as dramatically satisfying.  Look at the original ending, after the dispute between Felix and Oscar has been resolved, and Felix, a changed man, has just left:

Oscar:  Are we just gonna sit around or are we gonna play poker.

Roy:  We're gonna play poker.

Oscar:  Then let's play poker.  And watch your cigarettes, will you?  This is my house, not a pig sty.

Not hilarious, but thematically a nice ending--we see that life goes on, but also that the interaction between Oscar and Felix has affected them both.

The new ending has a lengthy--two pages--and dramatically inert exchange between Oscar and Felix before Felix finally leaves.  Then:

Oscar:  Come on boys, let's play poker, I feel lucky tonight.

(The poker players reenter room)

Murray:  What's the game.

Oscar:  Five card stud.  All cards are wild.  Geez, I'm hungry.  Murray, go into the kitchen and see if there's any linguini left on the wall.

Instead of ending thematically, we finish on a not-great callback gag to a great bit (from the original) where Oscar threw out Felix's linguini. (By the way, if Simon was updating the piece, they should be playing Texas hold 'em.)

Really there was no need to update the piece, and, in any case, it would appear Simon no longer had the chops to write material that would hold up as well. It's no wonder when Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick starred in a Broadway revival in 2005, they stuck to the original.